Have you ever Wednesday……….

Have you ever Wednesday……….

Have you ever been taking a romantic hike in a ‘forest reserve’ with your husband……..walking peacefully thru the trails….. listening to the frogs……. watching the birds and enjoying the wildlife …….when all of a sudden……you hear a rustle in the tall grass beside the trail…….and out slithers a long black snake onto your path……….

……………your husband (the man who’s SUPPOSED to be protecting you in situations like these)….. throws himself BEHIND YOU……puts his hands on your shoulders and pushes you in front of him to block himself from the SNAKE……..

What can I say? HairyMan…….My Hero!

Blonde Joke Tuesday......

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.........

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.................. God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

It Could Happen Monday!

It could happen........

I could wake up tomorrow morning, and realize that I have a split personality.....

.....the I've been living a double life...................I could find out that my name is ‘Jenny’ by day..........and 'Luwanda' by night ....................... and that (as Luwanda) I'm the mistress of a mob boss who I happened to meet while stripping at a night club named 'Sammy's Stripper Joint & Cheeseburger Palace'................and I've NOT ONLY been stripping at night, (as a topless cowgirl and wearing my 'coyote ugly butt-less chaps').....but Sammy has been paying me in Cheeseburgers! .........(that would explain why I've gained all this weight)..............because I've been eating all my profits at night (while leading my double life as a topless cowgirl stripper!)

Hey...........it could happen!

Photo courtesy of the Internet

I'm Better in 'Real Life'..........

Hey, girlfriends.........(I'd say 'guyfriends' - too, but I doubt my readers are men enjoying hearing about my "FAT" issues, my 'Fake $15.00 Walgreen Hair', my MAD CRUSH on Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, or the little black hairs growing out of my nipples).....

OK - just so you know, I'm having a freakin' fabulous time with all this blogging that I've been doing! I can hardly believe that I've got people who actually READ this 'shit'.......honestly, people ........................

So, I thought I'd better FILL YOU IN on a little about my blog:

1) First of all...........If you're looking for a place where you can 'learn something important', 'talk about serious issues' and/or 'better yourself''- this blog is NOT for you! I pretty much ONLY talk about ME! .....................helllloooooo...............thus the title - "My Life As Jenny".............(try to keep up, people)...........................sooooooooo....... unless you're seeking out new information to use against me in the future, if your planning on writing my biography or if you're considering stalking me.........you'd better look elsewhere!

2.) I tend to talk about a lot of stuff that IS NOT really important........(well, at least maybe not very important to YOU)..............but EVERYTHING I write on here IS important to ME.................remember? ............It's MY blog!

3.) I enjoy making fun of myself and I try to create a little humor............so IF your looking for a place for a 'quick read' and giggle..........then THIS IS the place for YOU! ...........- if you think I'm funny HERE, you should meet me in person...............I'm a WHOLE lot MORE AWESOME in Real Life! ....................Seriously!

4.) ........and finally............I started my own blog so that I could document all the funny stuff in my life............stories, blubs, quotes, and just RANDOM information regarding my life! I am not a writer and I'm not trying to be................I just wanted this to be like a diary of my life.............so that 'Someday', my kids and my family can look back on my blog and remember me!

So, enjoy...................

I've Been Tricked Into EXERCISING!

Ok.............so my co-worker, Chris, who happens to be one of my best friends ………….she told me she was gonna walk across the street to a garage sale on our lunch, and asked me if I wanted to join her………….I said, “Sure” and out the door we went…………….

.........well lets just say that I should've known something was fishy, 'cause she's always trying to get me to exercise with her.....................

...................well, needless to say, the garage sale happened to be ACROSS TOWN..(not across the street)………........(which she neglected to mention, of course)…................ssurrrrprissssse..............(probably cause she knew I wouldn’t go with her........if I thought it would require any physical exercise on my part)...................

..............while walking, we chit-chatted to a 'little old man' - (who I think must have been 100 years old - by the looks of him).... who happened to be out in his yard as we walked by, and made a point of going out of his way to gain our attention by grabbing his suspenders, snapping them, and trotting over to try to strike up a conversation..........I think he was 'HOT' for me...................(I'm just saying.......)

.........THEN my friend, Chris, tricked me and made me continue walking to the bank with her……..…(she told me we were going for ice cream)…….(well.................does it surprise you that we didn’t go for ice cream? In fact – I don't think we were even close to a place that sold ice cream ………hellllooooooo……what was I thinking? I should've known better than to trust her !)

........so needless to say – about 40 minutes later, here we are, back in the office……I’m out of breath, cause I’m pathetically out of shape, my feet are throbbing, cause I’m in FLIP-FLOPS (not tennis shoes)……..’thanks, Chris’, by the way………..I have shin splints again – (yes, I can already feel them coming on)………….I’ve got a headache from squinting in the sun…………I not only stink and am sweating profusely from my armpits…….but my cute little hairdo I was sportin’ today is in great need of a new ‘re-vamping’………….

On the 'pro – side' of all this……I DID end up walking about 40 minutes on my lunch, so basically I got QUITE the exercise today (which I'm in great need of, actually).......(exercise, that is.........).............and since I ALSO walked 20 minutes on my gazelle this morning at 5:30AM before I left for work...let's see……………..what is that? About 60 minutes of exercise today …………..OMLord…..that’s more exercise then I’ve had in ONE day in a long time! So I guess I don’t HATE Chris anymore!

(Just so you know...........)

Do I Look Fat?

The following is a conversation between my brother and myself, only a couple of years ago. I'm actually at my parents house and HairyMan and I are getting ready to go out with some old friends. My younger brother happens to be at my parents house, too.

I'm standing in the hallway - curling, fluffing, teasing, and spraying my hair...trying to make myself beautiful........ (which normally takes me a long time, mind you.)

OK....I think I'm ready.......I enter the living room..............I turn to my brother................who's sitting in the living room ..........I do a little twirl and swing my hair.....and I say, "Mark.....what's my hair look like? Does it make me look fat?"

Mark looks at me.....sizes me up and down.....fawns a giggle...............and replies, "Jen, it's not your hair that makes you look fat! It's your stomach that makes you look fat!"

True story!

................and I hate my brother!

Photo courtesy of the internet

The Sprinkler System 'Sucks', the "Jerry Springer Show" and what's the Freak up with Heidi Fleiss?

OK..........I'm just sitting here thinking today..........(try to keep up with my randomness, people)....

First of all......the sprinkler system at our office where I work is so 'Fricked up'....it comes on ALL OF THE TIME............ (needless to say, my bosses lawn looks spectacular.............greenest yard in town.............)........like for instance -right now- looking out the windows, from my desk - the sprinklers are ON - and it's RAINING outside ...........(this really drives me nuts, by the way)..................in fact one of the sprinklers is set up to spray the driveway......(not really sure why)................AND.......... on my way into the office - walking up the sidewalk this morning.........what happens?............the sprinklers come on................and start spraying me.......on the sidewalk........................(doing a total number on my hair, I might add!..............) So basically it's either the rabid birds or the watering system that's got it out for me each morning of my life.............(does anyone else have these problems?).....................(..oh, and, those DAMN "Garden Gnomes!")


AND.............................has anyone watched 'Sober House w/Dr Drew' lately? Is it just me or is Heidi Fleiss an absolute freak? (...I'm just sayin'.................)


................AND...........HairyMan and I are into watching "Jerry Springer" now.........(yes, really....I'm serious) ........... if you people think YOU have problems...................just watch one episode of 'Jerry Springer!' We watch it because it's soooo freakin' funny........................where do they find these people, anyway............................most of them don't have teeth.......and if they aren't sportin' 'mullets'.....their probably 'bald, inbred, transvestite strippers' or '400 pound women wearing tube tops with spandex'....................(hopefully I'm not affending anyone, by the way).....................oh wait..... I got it..........most of them probably came from my friend, 'City Girl's', neighborhood over at "Mudflap Bubba's".............(...by the way, if you haven't been to 'Mudflap Bubba's' site, go check her out at http://mudflapbubbas.blogspot.com/ ..............she's one funny chick...................if you think I'm funny - you're gonna love her!)

Oh, and since 'HairyMan' and me are into Jerry Springer now........we're planning our next vacation around a trip to Connecticut ..........so we can go to a LIVE taping of the "Jerry Springer Show!" ...................'Jerry'...........'Jerry'..............'Jerry'..................'Jerry'................

AND........speaking of "Heidi's".....I know 'Heidi Montag' is 'Hot' and all right now with her new artificial look that she's got goin' on........(she's 23 years old for gosh sakes)..........but I just watched her doing an interview............and the girl has ISSUES! Someone needs to tell her it's not all about Heidi....................It's all about ME!......................hellllloooooooooooooooo.......

Anyway...........so the speakers broke on my computer at work a few days ago .............. so I CAN'T listen to my 'YouTube' list on the Internet right now. And that's got me a little agitated, because I work better with music on in the background around this joint!
Photo courtesy of the Jerry Springer Show.

Blonde Joke Tuesday!

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff....................."I wish you guys would get your act together............... Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

"It Could Happen Monday!"

It could happen...................

.....................tonight while putting on my pajamas............(I think I'll wear my 'pink and yellow cotton nighty' to bed tonight, just so you know)........... I COULD get this strange need to look under my bed..................

.............call me crazy, but once in awhile, I get these strange premonitions to do things.......................SO.............amongst all of the rabid dust bunnies that have been living underfoot my bed.............I discover a loose floor board (while acting on my premonition and looking under the bed).............. so I crawl under my bed..........(cause I can)................and............"WA - LA".... there it is............. a stolen bank bag hidden underneath a wooden 2X4.............(not that I know it's stolen, I'm just assuming.............(and besides, it makes for a better story) ..............SO............ a stolen bank bag full of $25,000.00 in '100 bills'...................................CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?................what are the odds...............

So now I'm pretty much in a fabulous mood..............(cause I've found all this money, and all)........... BUT........ now I have a dilemma.............

..........what if the maniacal thieves (who stole the money in the first place) decide to come back and retrieve it.................and it's not there.......(because I've taken it, of course............helllooooooo, like I'm gonna leave $25,000.00 under my bed)...........and what if they decide to torture me until I give up the location of the money? I don't like pain, girlfriends.......................and I don't wanna give up my money (finders keepers)................I'm a weak woman..........and I'm sure to cave in at the first sign of them shoving bamboo strips under my fingernails......................OR........... if they start cutting off my toes one by one and stuffing them into my mouth............

.........(I think I've been watching too much TV).....................

Photo courtesy of the internet

'Brandy Norwood', my socks don't match and I think I Stink!

Today’s ‘Brandy’ Day on the ole’ YouTube channel……..(and yes, she’s got her own ‘Playlist’ on my YouTube page) …….. I didn’t realize how many songs Brandy has out there….. well……..I should of realized……….she’s been singing since way back when “Sittin’ up in my room” was a hit, right……….what a pretty girl she is………my favorite ‘Brandy Song’ right now is “Right Here” (one of her newer songs)…….Did you know that Kobe Bryant, (before he was a NBA star), took her to his high school prom in 1996? Did you know that she starred alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt in the 1998 movie ‘I Still Know What You Did Last Summer’? (Do you even care?)

And speaking of today...................I look like "Royal Dog Freak" today! I honestly did NOTHING with myself this morning..............you know how sometimes I come to work and I look pretty 'Fly' sportin' my 'sassy clothes', having showered, applied deoderant, brushed my teeth, curled my hair, tweezed my eyebrows, and put on my flawless face of makeup..............WELL TODAY'S NOT THAT DAY, girlfriends!

...............I slapped off the alarm this morning and dove behind my computer screen (because you know how I'm addicted to the internet, and all...........and how I wouldn't want to miss anything...........like some worldly event was going to happen on facebook ............or maybe 'FarmVille' was offering some sort of new animal for a limited time only..........or maybe the 'BlogFrog' came out with a new community or something.............)................(and I should've been getting ready for work, you know).............by the time I looked at the clock I was still in my pj's and had about 5 minutes left before I actually had to leave for work - without being late............................So ............as I tripped over 'Max' - just shy of falling down the stairs................ I changed my underware......................thru on a pair of jeans from the laundry basket................... thru a sweatshirt over my pajama top................. took a drink of 'Scope'...................sprayed my entire body with 'feminine deoderant spray' (which I thought was perfumed body spray)...................put my hair in a clip (which broke on the way to work)................... popped a vivarin...............grabbed a can of Red Bull............... jumped in the car and away we go!

Ok........so basically I'm at work .......I forgot my phone...............I'm in my pajamas............ I stink of 'B-O'.................. my breath reeks .......................my socks don't match................. I just realized I'm not wearing a bra...................the sweatshirt I grabbed has a bright red kool-aid stain on the front of it.....................and don't get me started on my 'Hair"! I just caught a look at myself in a mirror and I look like DEATH! Ohmyholyfreakness...................I hope I don't see anyone worth impressing today.....................it's a wonder my boss doesn't send me home..........I look like a 'Bag Lady!"

A Leftover Burrito, Moldy Cottage Cheese and I'm being Stalked by a Mountain Lion........

Things I did last night..............(.........as if you really care, right?.............):

I ate a leftover ‘5 Layer Burrito’ from Taco Bell……(I wolfed it down in like 3 seconds…………..don’t really think I even chewed it………….and I think it was the best burrito I’ve ever eaten in my entire life!)………… I shaved all the ‘man-hair’ off of HairyMans back...(the highlight of my evening, let me tell you)..………….….I cleaned up dog-pee from all over my house .....(since my little dog, Max, feels the need to relieve himself all over INSIDE my house, instead of going outside to his little ‘special area’ thru his little doggie door, which we have conveniently provided him with, and like we have trained him to do) …………..(evidently, it looks like we didn’t really train him, did we? )……(Damn little Dog!)……….I threw away moldy cottage cheese that has evidently been lost in the back of my refrigerator for quite some time……….I shaved my legs with a brand new razor…..(.now I have little ‘bleedy scrapes and nicks’ all over my legs………………really attractive……………NOT!)………(I think my legs looked better ‘hairy’ than with all these cuts all over them)………No shorts for me today!................I took a 25 minute walk around our neighborhood and peed myself……….(I would’ve walked a little longer – but thought I ought to get home to change my pants (since I peed them and all......)......AND...... I also started 'freakin' myself out' when I got to hearing movement in the woods ......and my imagination started getting away from myself with thoughts that I was being followed by a female mountain lion in heat………after all, I had nothing to defend myself with but a small stick that I had picked up on my walk)………………Note to self: Next time I need to be better prepared when walking alone in the neighborhood! …………also…………..Another Note to self: I need to get a grip on my imagination! (Lately, I've got this thing about being stalked by dangerous animals!)

Photo courtesy of the Internet

Blonde Joke Tuesday!

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

It could happen.......

Things that could happen to me today:

I COULD get LOST on my way to work and end up in a desolate wooded area .........with my car out of gas ..................and no way to communicate with the outside world ..............and I would have no food and no water ........................and be lost for days ....................and I may have to build a 'lean-to' out of twigs and fern leaves in order to survive .................and I may have to hunt wild boar in the forest using an arrow that I made out of a branch.............and my mind would start playing tricks on me ...........and I may start talking to a soccer ball that I found in the woods and who I befriended and named 'Wilson'...............and maybe I'd start imagining myself being stalked by a rabid grizzly bear that was waiting for the right chance to hunt me down and tear my limbs off and eat me.................and I'd start hearing things that weren't there and I may go insane from the absence of any type of human interaction for days.............and I would most definitely have to drink my own urine to survive.

............hhhellllllooooooooooo.............IT COULD HAPPEN!

Photo courtesy of the internet.

I Love Fridays!

I Love Fridays!

You should know by now (if you've been paying

attention to my posts)...that Fridays

are my favorite day of the week ...

.....but THIS Friday is especially Good!

Good Friday through Easter mark the most important 3 days for a Christian.

It is at this time that we remember the crucifixion,

the sacrificial death, and the burial of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,

and we celebrate His resurrection on Sunday.

Normally my post are meant to be funny....
But TODAY.......I'm wishing you peace....

.....and No, I don't go to Church every Sunday, but I 'DO' believe in God and I try to do

what's right by him........ Sometimes I get caught up

in my life and forget to pray

and forget to put God first..........But I 'DO'

Thank God EVERY DAY for the blessings that

he has given me!

I'm hoping you all have a wonderful weekend of

remembering what Easter is all about!

Photo courtesy of the Internet

My Fake $15.00 Walgreen Hair....

The sun's a-shinin'.........the birds are chirpin'..........it's going to be a 70-80 degree day here in Michigan today.................yes, girlfriends........."Spring is Here!" ...................and I'm Happy! (.............and you know how everyone's a whole lot happier in my neighborhood - when I'm HAPPY..............)

.........AND.................I'm NOT one to BRAG............(well, maybe I am)...............(no, just kidding - not really)....................(ok.......... I am).....................BUT I DO have to SAY that I'm looking AWESOME today in my bermuda shorts, sandles, tan legs, sassy pink pull over...............AND.................MY New "Fake $15.00 Walgreen Hair!" ..............................(yes .............you know it..............today is the day, girlfriends......... that I'm sportin' my new hair.............first time ever...........)

And I look 'Fabulous!' (don't ya think?)..................not to mention that I look skinny in these pictures............... (oh....how I love snapshots that make me look skinny!)

I'm spending the entire day thinking of places I can go today to show off my "Fake $15.00 Walgreen Hair!".............because I don't think I've ever wore FAKE HAIR.........ever....................in my entire life............

Photos of ME!