What is a Man?

NOTE: A good friend sent this to me today and I thought I would share it(hoping to get a giggle out of you, of course).....I don't know where it originated from (wish I would have wrote it, but I didn't!) 

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible ...

No wait ... I'm thinking of Tequila......Silly Me!

(Photo courtesy of the internet)

T-Shirts.....Coming Soon!

"My Life As Jenny" T-shirts and other memorabilia....coming soon!

Stay tuned for details........

Grilled Hotdogs, Double-Dipping and Stool Problems........

Something that you might want to know about me:


I double dip! (……..on certain occasions, anyway………..for ‘Freaks Sake’……now I’ll probably have the entire FDA all over me…………)

Last night we had friends over and we grilled hotdogs. (Now pay attention ………….. ‘cause you won’t want to miss just how classy I am!)

I put all of the hotdogs on a plate on the middle of the table……..I filled cereal bowls full of ketchup, mustard and A1 sauce (because any respectable person has A1 sauce with their hotdogs, right?)…………..and I told everyone to “have at em” ………..NO buns, NO plates, NO silverware………and YES …we did have napkins, mind you (it’s not like we’re a bunch of heathens, people………….GEEZ……….) ……..so there we all were………..hand pickin’ our ‘dogs’ and dipping them in the bowls ……….one after another………dip by dip…………oh, yeah, I’m sure the ‘cooties’ were flying all over the place………..germs everywhere………..

Well, come on…..it WAS about 10PM, right?...........and there WERE a few Margarita’s and MBLight’s a flowin’ (if you know what I mean)……..and it’s not like I didn’t know these people……it’s not like I was in a public place with strangers who I didn’t know………………..and it’s NOT like they didn’t join in and double dip right along with me, folks!       And none of us were sick (that none of us confessed to, anyway)

You see........... all my friends are about as sophisticated as I am………yeah………like we’re a bunch a rednecks who don’t care about catchin’ other peoples diseases…………...

But hey….(in my own defense)……….my friends should know by now that they can’t expect too much out of me, anyway!   (YES - I’m THAT kind of friend!)

Although……………… if (by chance) we all wake up tomorrow morning with cold sores, weird looking rashes, and stool problems ………..…maybe I’ll have to rethink my double-dipping festivities.

        “Did You Just Double Dip That Chip?”
                 Photo courtesy of the internet/ Seinfield

Blonde Joke Tuesday......

What's in the bag?

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store.

There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.

Heavy breathers, Hangovers, and Stupid People

Things I've decided that I pretty much hate right now: 

1) Women with really dark tans!  (.............you women really need to get jobs, or quit going to the tanner so much.......)..............I mean................I'm all for being tan and all, but there are boundaries, girlfriends.................... (plus, I'm just jealous, Ok?)...........

2) Hangovers!   (I'm pretty much never gonna drink again!)

3) People who THINK they're attractive, but who really AREN'T that good looking!  (..........hellllloooooooo............did you look in the mirror this morning?)    Get over yourself, already!

4) Heavy breathers..................hellllloooooooo........Can't you HEAR yourself breathing, people?      You're freakin' people out ...........seriously!

5)  STUPID PEOPLE    Listen, Bubba............just because you figured out how to make a grill out of a shopping cart.........and just because you can hot wire your lawn mower....... doesn't make you a rocket scientist, OK?   

(.........and what's worse - Stupid People DON'T even know they're stupid.....)

Are You My Friend?

I have been truly blessed with so many great friends.........for instance..............

I have Old Friends that I went to school with......................... and those dear Friends that I grew up with......................... I have very close current Friends that I've made in the last 10 years who I think are quite terrific........... I have Friends that I like to Vacation with specifically..............I have special friends that I share many a memory with ( ......these friends, I have to be friends with - trust me - because they have WAY too much DIRT on me)...................I have Work Friends.............I have Facebook FRIENDS.............I have Friends that I like to watch HORROR movies with.............................I have Those Close Friends that I can call when I have problems..............and Friends that I like to go shopping with because we LIKE the same stuff......................I have Friends that I like to get together to drink cocktails, dance and hang out with..................AND...I have BLOGGER FRIENDS................I have Friends that always make me PEE MY PANTS, EVERY time I'm with them (you know who you are!)...............I have Friends that DON'T MIND me walkin' around in my "Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps"...............I have Extremely New Friends (that I just introduced myself to .....ahhh.......like ....last night........in the Mexican Restaurant - who did body shots with me..........)...........and I have FRIENDS that will take care of me when I drink TOO much PATRON and will hold my hair back as puke in the toilet!

SO........as you can see I have lots of different friends!  And it doesn't matter WHO YOU ARE or what kind of friend you are to me................. You're all Special!  And I'd like to Thank you all for being my Friends!  You make my life so Wonderful!

BUT ..........ALWAYS REMEMBER:

................We may be friends and all, but rest assured - if our plane crashes in the Himalayas - and I get HUNGRY......................I'll EAT you!

Why's My Underware On my Head....and Who Killed the Raccoon?

TGIF, girlfriends!

Have a fun weekend!

(Well, maybe not TOO much fun!).............LIKE........Hopefully you won't wake up Sunday morning ..........to find yourself in the middle of a corn field...........lying next to a dead raccoon ..........wearing 4 inch stilettos............ your underwear on your head .......... one of your nipples pierced ....... $5000.00 in your pocket...............with absolutely no recollection of anything that happened the previous night!

......other than that.......remember to be on the lookout for those 'Killer Garden Gnomes'..............remember........they're everywhere!

Who's been sitting in my airplane seat? I don't even want to know........

I was just sittin' here thinking....................

Next time you fly in an airplane ....................while your sitting in your seat.........why don't you think about how many disgusting people have sat in the same exact seat before you...........

..........................like the man who was sick and keeps spewing his germs all over the seat table in front of you each time he sneezes...................or the young man who recently peed his pants and didn't have time to change them before boarding this flight.............................or the little kid who picked his nose and wiped it on the seat during the entire flight.........................or the woman who had diarrhea and didn't quite make it to the restroom in time.......................or the lady who tried to change her babies dirty diaper in the seat and while the babies diaper was off - the baby peed all over ................or the old man who sat in the seat before you who hadn't washed his hair in 3 weeks .......(.........and don't get me started on all the people who have sat in your chair who may have had LICE..............hellloooooo......).........or the little girl who got motion sickness during the flight and threw up all over the seat table that was down at the time..............................OK........how do you feel now?

I guarantee, next time you fly - you'll think of me!            

Seriously...........I'm totally grossed out right now..........

"Gnomeland Security", I Got A Sliver in my LIP, and I Wanna Retire!

I’m boycotting ‘Travelocity’ (by the way) .......that is - until they get rid of that ‘Stupid Little Gnome’ that keeps popping up on all of their commercials…………….enough already with the gnome! ………….. (Obviously, they don’t read my blog!)

Oh, and I almost forgot…………………we hung out with friends over Memorial Day weekend and one of our good friends, (we’ll call him Sexy-Rexy), had a shirt on that he wore just for me..............yes, JUST FOR ME!    It read:   GNOMELAND SECURITY!    And it had a picture of a gnome with a slash over it!     WAY TOO COOL!       Sexy Rexy’s hot little wife, (we’ll call her Porscha), bought it down state at some ‘Gnome Bar’ that she went to this spring……(what she's doing entering gnome bars is beyond me)........…..But she did buy it WITH ME IN MIND……….helllloooooo………that’s one good friend that understands it’s ALL ABOUT ME!  (Willing to sacrifice entering a 'gnome lair' and all..................)

BY THE WAY..........I ASK YOU........what ‘Demented Freak’ would have a ‘Gnome Bar’??………………I’m just saying?!

And while I'm on the subject of FREAKS......................Ever GET A SLIVER in your lip while applying lip liner - using a wooden lip liner pencil - that needs to be sharpened?     Well, just so you know………………”IT AIN'T PRETTY, GIRLFRIENDS!”…………and now I look like I have a big ‘cold sore’ on my top lip………(but it’s NOT a cold sore, people……… it’s a ‘SLIVER’) ……………..and I think it’s infected and swollen………..and now it looks like a BIG ZIT! ………and it hurts to brush my teeth…………...and to smile!  (NOTE TO SELF:  Remember to sharpen lip liner pencil before I apply it to my 'enlarged puss filled vampire lip!')

Oh……and talking about being in public with my 'huge elephant man lip"...............does ANYONE know of any legitimate home based business that I can GET RICH QUICK  while working from home………..I seriously want to retire!   Not that I don’t like my job, girlfriends…(just in case my boss is reading this, that is).........…..but I’m getting LAZY and I’m sick of working everyday……..............FACE IT..........I’d rather be home - cleaning my house - and hanging laundry on the line -and baking goodies for HairyMan - and enjoying the sun - and working in my yard - and relaxing in my hot-tub and - watching Jerry Springer re-runs all day………..but HairyMan says I have to find another income, if I want to leave my job………SO..... UNLESS I win the lottery, (which is more than likely NOT going to happen since I never buy a ticket)..........OR........ UNLESS I get a night job selling myself on the corner of Division and 32nd Street, (which…….between you and I………..I don’t think people are actually gonna pay A LOT of money to see me naked)…………I think I’m pretty much screwed and I have a feeling it’s gonna be a while till I get to retire………….UNLESS…..any of you have a plan that you’d be willing to share!

Beautiful Butterfly? Or, Killer Moth?

Check out this beautiful moth that I found one morning, outside my door........... I was lucky enough to be able to snap a picture.....

Actual picture taken by JBown




(Just so you know........the entire time that I was holding this massive moth, I kept thinking it was going to morph into some kind of 'Rabid Killer Mutant Butterfly' and attach its 'huge sucker snout' to my arm, start ripping the skin from my body and lay its eggs in my exposed flesh........just so you know.......)

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown