Tequila Bottles, Bar Coasters, Coloring Books, Pez Dispensers and Goosebump Books......

Remember these books?  My son used to have a collection of about 30 of these books back when he was younger and I was thinking of them the other day and I've decided that I think I'm gonna start collecting them.   I used to read them to him all of the time when he was young.  In fact I think I read them to myself ....(when no one else was around...)..........cause they were such 'COOL' books.......(.......yeah, I'm a sophisticated reader like that!) 

R.L STINE "Goosebumps" Books

.......the only think is........(now that I think about it).........I'm fairly certain (....why I'm saying I'm fairly certain is beyond me - since I have no doubt in my mind...)  that I SOLD them all in a garage sale about 9 years ago for $5.00.  (...what was I thinking........30 books for 5 bucks???..........helllooooo.....they'd probably be collectors items by now, right?)  .....so now I've got to start all over.............you know........since I don't have any books now!   

..............AND since I don't actually HAVE any 'Goosebumps' books yet......... hairyman tells me that I shouldn't tell people that I collect Goosebump books -  you know.......since I DON'T HAVE ANY in the collection yet.....he says I need to stop doing that......(.........apparently he says I do this a alot with my collections.).....(I tell people I collect things when I don't actually have any in my collection yet).............(I told him to 'Bite Me!")

So my collections are as follows:
1.) Tequila Bottles  2.) Bar Coasters 
3.) Coloring books 
4.) Pez Dispensers  (I only have 2)  (...........maybe this is what he is referring too.....) 
                 ............and now my latest collection...............
5.) Goosebumps Books (I have 0)

I used to collect '50 cent pieces'..........(..but I spent them all...)   ....and I used to collect 'Candy Bars'....(....till I ate them all)...(....who the 'Freak collects Candy bars anyway?  What a stupid idea!)

Hairy man says that I really shouldn't count the pez dispenser collection and the Goosebump book collection until I actually increase the size of my collections a bit..............(.......again................I told him to 'Bite Me!")

What do you collect?

Letters from Jenny.........Beauty Sleep, Hybrid Panther Cats and I look like "Monkey Butt"!

OK, girlfriends….it was great spending time with you guys, I’ll give you that!  But I seriously can’t believe that I looked at the clock last night and it was almost 2AM……guess it was a good thing I went to bed when I did.   NOTE: 5:30AM came way too early this morning!   …………(just thought I’d let you know - since you two bitches were still in bed when I left the house, because neither of YOU TWO had to work today......)     I did happen to hit snooze for about 40 minutes before I actually got out of bed this morning…………..… but that was after your stupid cat (who I still believe isn’t really a cat at all, but a ‘miniature hybrid panther’ judging from the size of the animal.............) …...decided to cough up hairballs for ½ hour outside my bedroom door at 4AM.  (.......it took me everything I had to not light the freakin' thing on fire.........I'm just sayin'..........) So after hitting the snooze button for 40 minutes, I finally jumped out of bed and realized I had about 5 minutes to get ready for work.  I tripped over your pet panther on my way to the bathroom (about putting my eye out and dislocating my knee.)  I did appreciate your hospitality of leaving the kitchen light on so I would be able to see while I was getting around this morning.  I made it to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, applied deodorant, threw on my clothes and headed out of the bathroom only to find someone had gotten up in the 3 1/2 minutes that it took me to get ready in the bathroom to shut ALL the freakin’ lights off in the house.  “WTF?” Are you kidding me?  Were you people just trying to “F*CK” with me?  Were you behind your bedroom doors covering your mouths to stifle your laughs while I tripped over the ‘pet panther cat’ and cussed while trying to find my way around your house with my arms outstretched in the pitch dark like a blind woman who had lost her cane?   Evidently no one in your house has ever heard of a little invention called a ‘NIGHT LIGHT’.    I did decide to use my cell phone screen as a make-shift flashlight, I  made it outside to my car, which you so graciously let me park in your garage, (......but you did forget to tell me where the freakin’ door opener was………thank you very much - friend.....) spent the next 5 minutes searching the walls of the garage for the garage door opener, which ended up being INSIDE your house door (who the freak puts the garage door button INSIDE the house)  Nobody…….heellloooooooo!     Once my car was out of your garage, picture me spending the next 7 minutes attempting to close the garage door by pushing the button and running to try to make it under the door before it closed….(.......yeah...close your eyes....see it in your mind, will you.......)........well, it didn’t work…......some idiot decided to put a little feature in THIS garage door that prevents it from closing when I run under it............GENIOUS, I TELL YOU............I pretty much thought I'd pass out from all that running back and forth......…at this point let the damn garage door come down and crush me...........I already have a bum eye and limp from falling over the pather, remember?  (Oh and my car thermometer registered a whopping 2 degrees outside this morning friends...good thing I was working up a sweat running back and forth under the damn garage door)   …….That's when I realized I didn’t put my car in park as I watched it begin to roll down your driveway.   OMG…….ARE YOU KIDDING ME!   Sorry, closing the garage door just didn’t seem too important to me right then……..”In fact – SCREW THE GARAGE DOOR………Now picture me running down the driveway toward my car........good thing I'm up to date with my 'Chuck Norris moves 'making it easier for me to slip inside and hit the brakes before my car backed down into the ditch.   (It's actually a miracle that I didn’t kill myself this morning, now that I think about it)  I have a headache right now and I about fell asleep on my way to work…….. I kept slapping myself across the face and hanging my arm out the window to keep me awake for the 1 ½ hour drive.  And for future reference – you should know that I require a minimum of 7 hours of beauty sleep to maintain my fabulous hot-ness on a daily basis!.......  So make a note!  (3 hours of sleep just doesn’t cut it anymore!)  I just looked in the mirror and I look like 'MONKEY ASS' today!  I have absolutely no makeup on, I forgot to comb my hair and I just noticed my shirt was on inside out!  And something stinks .............and I can't be sure, but it might be me!  (It's another miracle that they allow me to work here looking like this!)  Oh yeah…..and did I mention on my 1 1/2 hour drive to work this morning that I was about ready to stab a fork in the eyeball of the guy who decided to tailgate me for a 40 mile stretch of highway (with his ‘High Beams’ on………thank you very much, Jack-ass)  ….because apparently 60 miles an hour isn’t fast enough to drive at 6AM in the morning ………. pitch dark outside, trying to dodge deer and all the other objects that were in my vision due to my night blindness, and on top of that it was snowing SIDEWAYS outside, you moron!    Anyway.......Love you Kelly and Mary!  How was your freakin' morning? 

"More Out-fits Monday"

As promised......more outfits brought to you by the

'My Life As Jenny Paper Doll Collection'.....

Go HERE to get the 'My Life as Jenny' Paper-Doll! 

New outfits every month!

Wanna celebrate with me? You bring the Tequila, I'll bring my 'Butt-less Chaps'!

I’m so excited I could just pee myself!
I now officially have '100 followers' on my blog and I’m all bubbly and star-struck!   If you could see me now – I’m up on an end table in my living room doing the ‘groin-grind’ and ‘fist pump’ and mouthin’ the words to ‘I am woman hear me roar!’

All thanks too my new friend,  Jenny ............she found my blog on-line and actually likes me (………..probably because she doesn’t really know me too well, yet……….give her time…….before long - she’ll think I’m a weirdo, just like all you other people who read my blog…………..)   (......hey......what the 'freak' do all you people know anyway.........GEEZ!)     Anyway, my new friend, Jenny thinks I’m awesome and funny and gorgeous and smart and the best thing to hit the world since soft butter………..(well, she didn’t REALLY USE those words and ACTUALLY SAY those things about me….but …….helllloooooo……who wouldn't think I'm funny and 'HOT' and awesome and stuff?  )   …I think she’s pretty awesome too!   So you’ll have to go visit her at http://pearsonreport.blogspot.com/ and check her out.    NOTE:   Did you notice her name is Jenny, too?  (....yeah, she's a copy-cat......!)   In fact I think she went out and changed her name just so she could be like me......hellllooooooo.........  (No - not really......I just made that part up............... I'm pretty sure she was born with that name actually......but wouldn't it be cool if she DID go out and have her name legally changed to match my name - because she wanted to be just like me?.........that would be so 'freakin' awesome.............I mean........in a creepy-stalker-kind of way!   .......I'm just sayin'...........)

..................SO BECAUSE I now have 100 followers ……....I think it's only appropriate to tell you 100 interesting things about myself! ..........but stay tuned.........that's gonna have to be a whole 'nother post! (......you know how I detest LONG posts........)


So.....I'm sending a big THANK YOU instead - to all of my followers (or people who just stop by my blog secretly when know one is looking) who make time in their day to read my blog and stay tuned!  I know how busy you all are with your lives and it makes me feel special to know you're reading my stuff!  You're the best!

Yeah.....(...yeah, I just have to add...........) that word must be getting around how COOL I am........(....not that it should surprise you all.......what with it all being about me! )  Yes, if you're NEW to my blog - you should know "Life is All about Me!"  (..........hey it's MY blog!   I can write what I want!)  

I've kinda summed it up like this:  "I think I'm like this really annoying girl that just won't go away......and you don't even really like me.....in fact you find me kind of conceded and irritating........ and as much as you try to ignore me............I just keeps popping up and won't leave you alone............so you find yourself just continually coming back for MORE!"       

Happy Freakin' New Year People!

It’s 2011!     (Time sure does fly when you're drunk and high on vivarin, don't it?)   Everywhere I turn, someone’s wishing me a HAPPY NEW YEAR…....….wishing me a great ‘2011’…..hoping I have good health……or good wealth or something like that - in the coming year…...…wishing me a great year of good luck….. …...…..you know what I’m talking about, right?

WELL……….all of these well wishes for the New Year has got me thinking…..I’m not gonna ‘wish you guys anything’……..(just so you know)…….I’m gonna give you a list of things that I hope DON’T Happen to you in 2011……….

SO....................MY HOPES FOR YOU IN 2011 are as follows:

1.) I hope you don’t die! (………cause that would totally suck………)

2.) I hope you don’t gain 30 pounds….or 40 pounds! (….even tho it makes ME look a whole lot better when I’m standing next to fat people!)

3.) I hope you don’t go out and do something stupid...that you may regret, later! (..... like get a tattoo of a ‘skull and cross bones’ on your forehead………or shave your eyebrows completely off!)
4.) I hope you don’t get attacked by ‘Garden Gnomes’!

5.) I hope you don’t poop your pants in Church one Sunday!

6.) I hope you don’t accidentally kill a homeless guy who’s walking along the side of the road……… while your driving …… and you think he’s dead……. so you bury his body in the ditch and pretend it didn’t happen…….. and then he comes back to stalk you like a maniacal killer……because he really wasn’t dead!  (........I'm just sayin'.........)

7.) I hope you don’t win the lottery........ blow all your money......get arrested for 'Tax Fraud' .........and end up in prison .........with a cell-mate named 'Shirley' .........who makes you her bitch!

8.) I hope you don’t get uncontrollably drunk one night….and wake up the next morning alone in a cemetery..…with your front teeth missing and someone’s underwear on your head!

9.) I hope you don’t get savagely attacked by a couple of rabid raccoons one night when you’re taking out the garbage!
                            BUT MOST OF ALL..............
10.) I hope you don’t wake up one morning……….decide that I’m a complete moron ……..and decide not to read my blog anymore!
                                      
                                                   

Introducing............The New 'My Life As Jenny' Paper Doll!

Coming Soon:  New Outfits Every Week!

Spoiled Milk, Telemarketers, and Body Odor, OH MY!

10 Things I hate right now.........

1.) My teeth scraping against the wooden stick of a Popsicle
2.) Spoiled Milk (........when you DIDN'T know it was spoiled..........)

3.) Trying to write with a dull pencil  (.....don't we own a freakin' pencil sharpener in this house?.....)

4.) Having to return something to the store
5.) The little black hairs that grow out of my chin  (........what the H*LL?...........did I accidentally take some steroids or something.......)

6.) Telemarketers (.... no, I'm not interested in getting a free carpet cleaning when you call me at 9:00PM at night.....)

7.) Garden Gnomes.........(......hellllloooo........that's a given!)
8.) Rude People (.......hey, sorry your life sucks, but try being nice to me....) 
9.) Body Odor (....seriously .............can't you smell yourself, dude?)
10.) Cleaning up 'Dog-Vomit'  (......don't even ask..........)