It’s 2011! (Time sure does fly when you're drunk and high on vivarin, don't it?) Everywhere I turn, someone’s wishing me a HAPPY NEW YEAR…....….wishing me a great ‘2011’…..hoping I have good health……or good wealth or something like that - in the coming year…...…wishing me a great year of good luck….. …...…..you know what I’m talking about, right?WELL……….all of these well wishes for the New Year has got me thinking…..I’m not gonna ‘wish you guys anything’……..(just so you know)…….I’m gonna give you a list of things that I hope DON’T Happen to you in 2011……….
SO....................MY HOPES FOR YOU IN 2011 are as follows:
1.) I hope you don’t die! (………cause that would totally suck………)
2.) I hope you don’t gain 30 pounds….or 40 pounds! (….even tho it makes ME look a whole lot better when I’m standing next to fat people!)
3.) I hope you don’t go out and do something stupid...that you may regret, later! (..... like get a tattoo of a ‘skull and cross bones’ on your forehead………or shave your eyebrows completely off!)
4.) I hope you don’t get attacked by ‘Garden Gnomes’!
5.) I hope you don’t poop your pants in Church one Sunday!
6.) I hope you don’t accidentally kill a homeless guy who’s walking along the side of the road……… while your driving …… and you think he’s dead……. so you bury his body in the ditch and pretend it didn’t happen…….. and then he comes back to stalk you like a maniacal killer……because he really wasn’t dead! (........I'm just sayin'.........)
7.) I hope you don’t win the lottery........ blow all your money......get arrested for 'Tax Fraud' .........and end up in prison .........with a cell-mate named 'Shirley' .........who makes you her bitch!
8.) I hope you don’t get uncontrollably drunk one night….and wake up the next morning alone in a cemetery..…with your front teeth missing and someone’s underwear on your head!
9.) I hope you don’t get savagely attacked by a couple of rabid raccoons one night when you’re taking out the garbage!
BUT MOST OF ALL..............
10.) I hope you don’t wake up one morning……….decide that I’m a complete moron ……..and decide not to read my blog anymore!
omg. Hitting the homeless man totally had me snickering. Great, great things for us to not do. I will surely do my best.
ReplyDeleteLOL - Cracking up...love the reverse resolution list. Thanks! And as for #10? Never!!! <3
ReplyDeleteYou are AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteI'll always stop by your blog.
Because you make me laugh.
and I like that.
Happy Festivus and all that.
Cheers. Pour yourself another drink.
YOu deserve it my dear!
From one "over 40ish" to another...
ReplyDeletevery cute site! I feel your youthful energy flowing through it. Good fun!
I've had the pleasure of being your 100th Folllower - pretty cool.
I'll be back, Jenny (yes, that's my name too - not Jennifer though, just Jenny!)
i found you through Jenny at Pearson Report. cuz i subscribe to comments. all cyberwebberish and all that
ReplyDeletei gotta say, you made me laugh!
# 101
Bruce
bruce johnson jadip
evilbruce
stupid stuff i see and hear
Bruce’s guy book
the guy book
Dreamodel Guy
dreamodeling!
Hey Jenny, It's cool to see bruce dropping by - he totally rocks!
ReplyDeleteThanks to him I'm on the map, a little corner of it anyway!
You made my day with what you wrote over on Pearson Report.
I hope you will like what you read.
May I encourage you to visit some of my past posts like, "Lowering the seat on bathroom etiquette",and if you have the time try the Dec 31 & Jan 1 posts - I think you might have the same sense of humour as I do so I'm hope you'll laugh!
Cheers, Jenny