My birthday was May 2nd and Hairyman and I went out partying with a bunch of friends!  We all went out to eat, went to the bar, drank a bunch of alcohol and Hairyman put on a firework show for us later that night at our house.  The following is a text message that I sent them the following morning:  (evidently, I had TOO much fun!)

My dear friends:  Just wanted to Thank you all for contributing to my feeling like ASS this morning! You're all such GREAT friends! Just so you know, I am NEVER drinking again! I'm pretty sure I blacked out last night!  Rob says I was a piece of work! I have NO recollection of some of the nights various activities! .... Like why are there piles of blankets in the middle of the garage floor this morning? ..... Something about J and Cinnamon and me and Hairyman making wild monkey sex under the stars...... that's all I remember! Oh, and which one of you took a shit in my mouth this morning?  Oh, and Hairyman found me passed out on the bathroom floor completely naked at one point..... hopefully you all had left by that time! I'm pretty sure it wasn't a very pretty sight - Good Lord!   Oh, and I woke up spread eagle butt-naked on the couch this morning with a glow stick stuck on my ass!   Rob was in the bedroom in bed but Max (my little Yorkie) was curled up next to me on the couch! I'm fairly positive I didn't have sex last night ....but i cant be sure....oh God - lets hope I didn't have sex with Max!   I think I'm gonna go vomit now!  Thanks again, Jenny

When all the other
little girls wanted
to be ballet dancers
and princesses......
.....I wanted
to be a Garden
Gnome
Ninja Killer!

What's with the Bacon, Larry?

I'm on a "Bowling League' now. I bowl every Thursday night with some friends  ........and our first night was last week. So I'm at the bowling alley last Thursday night and we all order some food, right? Well, the guy sitting across the table from me orders a BLT sandwich, right?   We all get our food and the guy (…we’ll just call him Larry for the sake of the story………and because his name IS Larry..……)  he opens up his sandwich and reaches in his bowling bag.    And he pulls out a handful of Bacon.  He proceeds to stack his sandwich full of the bacon - the bacon that he had brought himself  -  bacon from inside his bowling bag........and no - I'm not making this up!     All I want to know is "Is this normal bowling procedure?"  (I'm not sure, cause I've never been on a bowling league before.)    Is it normal to bring your own bacon with you?  In your bowling bag?   I spent the entire night trying to figure out what else he had hiding in there!  I kept waiting for him to pull out some potato chips or crackers, too!  Maybe some beef jerky, sliced tomatoes or cheese?  (All I can figure - is the guy really likes Bacon!)

Does anyone else think this is weird? ......is it just me?  

Let me know............cause I bowl again tonight and I'm thinking of bringing my own french fries!

The top 10 things that you need to know about me....

For all you 'newbies' to my blog out there: I just thought it may be time to fill you in on some things that you may or may not know about me.....(Here are the first 10 that came to mind):

1.) I absolutely HATE 'Garden Gnomes'........they seriously freak me out!  Seriously!
2.) I collect Pez Dispensers, Coloring Books, Goosebump Books, Bar Coasters, and Tequila Bottles
3.) I'm hopelessly in love with Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.  He's my pretend boyfriend............we're actually lovers (in my head anyway!)
4.) I have a bad phobia of being mauled by a Grizzly Bear.  i get freaked out if I'm in the woods or if I'm walking alongside the road - by a forest.  I'm afraid that a bear is gonna come charging out of the woods and attack me.....tear me apart.....eat me alive.....I'll be able to hear the bones crunch in my skull as he crushes my head in his 'bear jaws' and eats me!  And it's going to Hurt - Big Time!
5.)  I have either a dream or a nightmare EVERY night ..and I wake up EVERY morning to recall everything about that dream or nightmare...I seriously cannot remember a morning where i woke up and didn't recall what I dreamed the night before..
6.) I've recently become strangely fascinated by 'Zombies'......
7.) I talk about my 'Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps' a lot.....and I find myself putting them on quite frequently and wearing them around the house and admiring myself in the mirror.
8.) I'm a HUGE 'Detroit Tigers' Fan!
9.) I have a tattoo on my ankle of the Chinese Symbol for 'Believe.'  I got it last year.
10.)  I want to quit my job and become a stripper!

What are you getting me for Christmas?

Randomness.....Key Points Summed Up!

I've been in Florida selling Christmas trees for the last 3 weeks.   So I'm gonna run with that and use it as an excuse as to why I haven't been on-line lately.....   (...hoping you won't notice that I haven't written anything witty and amusing since October, which is what? 3 months? .....but who's counting?.......)   (...not that I NEED an excuse to be behind on my blogging.......hellllooooo.....I do have a life, people! I can't be spending all my free time on my computer thinking of ways to amuse all of you!  .........Maybe YOU guys need to get a life!)  (...plus, Pinterest takes up a lot of my time, these days.......and apparently Pinterest is more important to me than entertaining you people!)

Okay, back to point of this post....... My family goes to Florida (from Michigan) and sells Christmas trees for about a month around this time of year.  It's a family business and each year we have family and/or friends go with us to help at our Christmas tree lot.

Because I'm lazy and don't want to take the time to entertain you with separate posts explaining each story in detail, I'm summing it up with these key points of interest from the last 3 weeks:

1.) Before I left for Florida, I had a doctors appointment and my doctor said I could stop taking my cholesterol medicine.  He says I'm going thru menopause!  I think he's trying to kill me!

2.) I haven't had my period since September..........I think I'm pregnant!

3.) My mother farting at the airport .......and I'm not talking little 'sweet fluffs'...........I'm talking loud, stinky 'man farts' that everyone in the terminal HEARS and surely SMELLS!   "God, MOM.....can you control yourself, already??"

4.) Taking my dog 'MAX' out for a pee break at 3AM one night - him falling in the pool and me having to use my 'Chuck Norris Ninja skills' to dive in and save him!

5.) Entering the 'porti-john' to do my business one day.......bending down to lower my shorts and panties around my ankles.....and before I could grab the rail on the inside of the 'porti-door' to steady myself and hover over the hole (because God knows no way in Hell that my *ss is gonna touch that nasty seat), the door flies open due to the wind and I'm standing there bare-naked from the waist down exposing myself to the parking lot!

6.) Me thinking about being pregnant......... 46 and pregnant..........I don't want to be pregnant!  

7.) I'm obsessed with 'Elf on the Shelf'....... I've been making a list of new poses or activities for him to do every day...........(IMPORTANT NOTE: I don't even HAVE an 'Elf on the Shelf'!!)

8.) Me eating NON-STOP these last three weeks.......I'm freakin' ALWAYS HUNGRY!  I think I have worms!  Or I'm pregnant!

9.) My mother thinks I'm an alcoholic! (....which is really gonna suck if I'm pregnant!)

10.) I 'facebook messaged' an old friend the other day and told her I ATE HER SON!  Damn you, auto-correct!  Now she thinks I'm a cannibal!

11.) Good news.....I'm not pregnant!  ...(....I'm just fat......and going thru menopause.....and I'm an alcoholic ......and a cannibal!)

That's all for now.........I'll be in touch!   Now I'm off to try on my 'Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps' and look at myself in the mirror...... then maybe I'll go kill some 'Garden Gnomes'!

Later!

I know, I know.........I've been missing in action lately!

Sorry that I've been MIA.........I've been spending

some time updating and revamping

my other blog about 'Random Acts of Kindness'

 

You can find it at:

SELFLESS MOMENTS

 

I've been spending my time these days

trying to make the world a nicer place -

one random act of kindness at a time!

 

Go ahead and take a look!

Want an Oreo? Too late - I ate them ALL!

I ate a whole package of Oreo's on the way

to work this morning!  Not a mini-pack ..............

a full '3 sleeve large pack!' 

AWKWARD MOMENT MONDAY

Awkward Moment #2

(compliments of the internet)

 

That awkward moment….When you’ve already said ‘What?’ three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.