Letters from Jenny.........Beauty Sleep, Hybrid Panther Cats and I look like "Monkey Butt"!

OK, girlfriends….it was great spending time with you guys, I’ll give you that!  But I seriously can’t believe that I looked at the clock last night and it was almost 2AM……guess it was a good thing I went to bed when I did.   NOTE: 5:30AM came way too early this morning!   …………(just thought I’d let you know - since you two bitches were still in bed when I left the house, because neither of YOU TWO had to work today......)     I did happen to hit snooze for about 40 minutes before I actually got out of bed this morning…………..… but that was after your stupid cat (who I still believe isn’t really a cat at all, but a ‘miniature hybrid panther’ judging from the size of the animal.............) …...decided to cough up hairballs for ½ hour outside my bedroom door at 4AM.  (.......it took me everything I had to not light the freakin' thing on fire.........I'm just sayin'..........) So after hitting the snooze button for 40 minutes, I finally jumped out of bed and realized I had about 5 minutes to get ready for work.  I tripped over your pet panther on my way to the bathroom (about putting my eye out and dislocating my knee.)  I did appreciate your hospitality of leaving the kitchen light on so I would be able to see while I was getting around this morning.  I made it to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, applied deodorant, threw on my clothes and headed out of the bathroom only to find someone had gotten up in the 3 1/2 minutes that it took me to get ready in the bathroom to shut ALL the freakin’ lights off in the house.  “WTF?” Are you kidding me?  Were you people just trying to “F*CK” with me?  Were you behind your bedroom doors covering your mouths to stifle your laughs while I tripped over the ‘pet panther cat’ and cussed while trying to find my way around your house with my arms outstretched in the pitch dark like a blind woman who had lost her cane?   Evidently no one in your house has ever heard of a little invention called a ‘NIGHT LIGHT’.    I did decide to use my cell phone screen as a make-shift flashlight, I  made it outside to my car, which you so graciously let me park in your garage, (......but you did forget to tell me where the freakin’ door opener was………thank you very much - friend.....) spent the next 5 minutes searching the walls of the garage for the garage door opener, which ended up being INSIDE your house door (who the freak puts the garage door button INSIDE the house)  Nobody…….heellloooooooo!     Once my car was out of your garage, picture me spending the next 7 minutes attempting to close the garage door by pushing the button and running to try to make it under the door before it closed….(.......yeah...close your eyes....see it in your mind, will you.......)........well, it didn’t work…......some idiot decided to put a little feature in THIS garage door that prevents it from closing when I run under it............GENIOUS, I TELL YOU............I pretty much thought I'd pass out from all that running back and forth......…at this point let the damn garage door come down and crush me...........I already have a bum eye and limp from falling over the pather, remember?  (Oh and my car thermometer registered a whopping 2 degrees outside this morning friends...good thing I was working up a sweat running back and forth under the damn garage door)   …….That's when I realized I didn’t put my car in park as I watched it begin to roll down your driveway.   OMG…….ARE YOU KIDDING ME!   Sorry, closing the garage door just didn’t seem too important to me right then……..”In fact – SCREW THE GARAGE DOOR………Now picture me running down the driveway toward my car........good thing I'm up to date with my 'Chuck Norris moves 'making it easier for me to slip inside and hit the brakes before my car backed down into the ditch.   (It's actually a miracle that I didn’t kill myself this morning, now that I think about it)  I have a headache right now and I about fell asleep on my way to work…….. I kept slapping myself across the face and hanging my arm out the window to keep me awake for the 1 ½ hour drive.  And for future reference – you should know that I require a minimum of 7 hours of beauty sleep to maintain my fabulous hot-ness on a daily basis!.......  So make a note!  (3 hours of sleep just doesn’t cut it anymore!)  I just looked in the mirror and I look like 'MONKEY ASS' today!  I have absolutely no makeup on, I forgot to comb my hair and I just noticed my shirt was on inside out!  And something stinks .............and I can't be sure, but it might be me!  (It's another miracle that they allow me to work here looking like this!)  Oh yeah…..and did I mention on my 1 1/2 hour drive to work this morning that I was about ready to stab a fork in the eyeball of the guy who decided to tailgate me for a 40 mile stretch of highway (with his ‘High Beams’ on………thank you very much, Jack-ass)  ….because apparently 60 miles an hour isn’t fast enough to drive at 6AM in the morning ………. pitch dark outside, trying to dodge deer and all the other objects that were in my vision due to my night blindness, and on top of that it was snowing SIDEWAYS outside, you moron!    Anyway.......Love you Kelly and Mary!  How was your freakin' morning?