Thursday, July 14, 2011

Tight Shorts and Camel Toe!

My shorts are definitely TOO TIGHT today!  I’m wearing Bermuda shorts right now and I don’t remember them being THIS TIGHT this morning when I put them on. ………(…… Ok….maybe I DO remember them being a little tight-fitting, but nothing like they feel now…)…. Is it my imagination, or has THIS SHIT happened to me before?  Read this......

I haven’t even freakin’ EATEN anything today. (……oh yeah……unless you count the 2 BK Bacon Wraps, the BK Breakfast Club, and the Hersey Sundae Pie from 'Burger King' that I ate on the way to work this morning…….) ….(…..yeah…..like that doesn’t surprise you……you should know by now – I’m a Hog!...)……But I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast……..well..........maybe a few sunflower seeds, a granola bar and some almonds…….. but still….. I think my shorts have actually shrunk - on my body - somehow thru-out my day today.


Like I said…I don’t really remember them being THIS TIGHT this morning…..altho, I was on my third 'Bloody Mary' when I found myself getting dressed this morning…..and come to think of it..........I really don’t remember TOO MUCH about ANY of my morning this morning……in fact….to be honest - I’m not even sure how I even got to work today!  ……..(…..HEY……DON’T JUDGE ME!.....)

So, I’m sitting here at work right now…….feeling quite faint……..about ready to pass out at my desk ……….because the top of my pants are digging into my waist and constricting the oxygen flow thru my body.  (………yeah right - like I have a waist at this point in my life……..)   I’ve got red swollen welts where the top of my shorts are digging into my stomach. …(…it’s not a pretty sight.................….just so you know............................................TRUST ME!….)

I tried pulling them way up over my belly button earlier today which gave me some relief..…but do you know what happens when you pull your pants way up high?      Can you say CAMEL – TOE? ……..(.....NOT a pretty sight either.....by the way......)     

GOOD GOD…….NOW my crotch hurts!

5 comments:

  1. I'm betting it was JUST the hersey sundae pie. Yeah. That's what it was.

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  2. hahahaha this has happened to me... they fit perfectly fine and comfy but once i get out the door and to the job... holy hell!!

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  3. Clearly you need to bring a flask of bloody marys to work, then you won't even care about the camel toe. As a matter of fact, you'll be showing that baby off while holding the flask above your head, hollering, "Let's do the bunny hop!"

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  4. Yep, it's the amazing shrinking pants and it ONLY happens when you go out in the public... otherwise at home they relax again.

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