The following bit is a 'little piece' taken from an email in response to my friend Porscha when she emailed me wanting to know how things have been going with me since we hadn't talked in awhile. I won't bore you with the entire email....here's just a portion of it:
And I quote: "Actually I'm nursing a hangover today, Porscha. No that's not quite true.....I don't really have a hangover...I can't be sure - but I think I'm pretty much still drunk from last night. (Hairymans Softball night) And I was on a roll - trust me! I was supposed to be keeping score. And it is obvious from last night that I'm pretty much the WORSE 'score-keeper' of all time....in fact, maybe the worse scorekeeper in the whole universe. I kept screwing up and getting the score wrong....even the ref was making jokes about what a sucky scorekeeper I was. All the people in the bleachers were laughing at me. And I didn't even think I was that drunk....(.....so I thought....) But I can't be sure! At one point, one of the players was quite irritated with me. In fact, he actually took the book away from me and gave it to someone else to keep the score-book! (...well....I really didn't want to keep score anyway......I just can't be trusted to pay that close attention to a softball game when there's alcohol and friends involved.......what the freak were they thinking putting me in charge of the book and keeping score anyway?)
Cinnamon took me to her house after the games.......all I remember is chowing down 'taquitos' and 'taco meat' and 'left-over mashed potatoes' and I think there was dancing.........yes, I'm pretty sure that dancing was involved.........I can't quite remember if there was music playing or not, tho........I might have been just 'getting my groove on' out on the dance floor with myself in silence (....the dance floor being Cinnamon's kitchen, of course....)
Then Cinnamon's daughter took me home.....(......thank God for teenagers that can drive......)
I got home and was all horny of course - so I took a shower, shaved my legs, brushed my teeth....(attempted to get my sexy on)....butt-naked and lotioned up - and crawled into bed to wait for Hairyman to get home....
Next thing I know I'm laying on the couch with Max (my dog) lying beside me.............haven't a clue how I got there ......my legs are cut up and raw from razor burn (NOTE TO SELF: Don't shave legs while drunk)..........I have dried toothpaste all over my face (NOTE TO SELF: Don't brush teeth while drunk).....I don't even remember Hairyman getting home.....and I'm not sure if Hairyman and I ever did have sex or not..............I'm just hoping that I didn't have sex with Max!" End of Quote
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This email and post was written with the sole purpose of humor.......(that's what I do - make people laugh).......in no way what-so-ever did I or have I ever had sex with my dog! ......I'm just sayin'......