Road trips and window licking.....

So here I am on the expressway …I’m irritated and ornery......(...SURprrrisssse.........)    I’m side by side with another car to my left…..the other car is a 4-door silver SUV of some kind and it can’t move ahead because of another car in front of it - so I’m stuck driving along side this SUV for quite some time..…… the driver of the SUV is some ‘blond haired 30-something- movie-star-wanna-be’ type.....(....wouldn’t you know……)..... talking on her cell phone.  Every hair looks like it’s in place and she’s wearing a suit coat over a white blouse….(.. from what I can see from over here in my car…)…and I imagine her makeup is flawless, the bitch…………..she is evidently more concerned about what the other person on the other end of the cell phone conversation is saying than with paying attention to what was going on around her on the highway.  This only irritates me more!

Yeah, look at me bitch….riding in my sweats and T-shirt…..hair in a pony tail with most of my makeup rubbed off from the day....and looking like I just rolled out of bed  .....   You think you’re better than me?  You think you’re cool, don’t you? …….. but she can’t hear me over there in her car - with the windows rolled up…. talking on the phone..........I just glare over at her and give her the 'talk to the hand gesture'......  ...(....I think she just rolled her eyes at me.......).....

….I can’t move ahead because there’s another car in front of me.  So the SUV and I ride side by side for quite some time……I keep casually looking over to her and glaring at her…….I want her to know that she can’t intimidate me……in her big SUV and looking like she just walked off the cover of 'Glamour' magazine.......

....that's right, bitch...piss me off and I'll beat the living Shit out of you.....   ...(I'm pretty sure I can take her.......I'm just sayin'...).....

.......traffic sucks tonight, it’s not moving all too fast…good thing I'm not in a hurry..…. and we must have driven like this for miles….….her car in the left lane beside my car….with her talking away on her phone.........hellloooo.......  ...(...where's a cop when you need one......isn't talking on your cell and driving illegal?)

 She keeps looking at me …what the hells wrong with her? ………..she’s glancing at me like it’s my fault that the traffics backed up …………..I keep glancing at her periodically……..and every time I look her way – she’s staring at ME!  Talking on her cell phone and watching me with her eyes through her sunglasses……….

Watch the freakin’ road, LADY!  If you crash into me I’m gonna be flippin’ PISSED!  …..(…I refrain from rolling down my window and flipping her the finger…..but decide I’m way TOO MATURE for that……)

I imagine that she’s scared of me.....(...at least that's what I'm thinking - in my mind...)... I’m probably really freaking her out over there.  I keep making faces at her ….bobbin’ my head…...giving her the 'peace out' sign with my fingers...............she looks at me….I look at her……she looks at me.....I look at her........   

I see the traffic up ahead moving a little faster and picking up pace…….my lane speeds up……I reach for my sunglasses…I put them on……I look to my left over at ‘SUV girl’ -  glaring at her with my eyes from above my sunglasses, chin down…

Then do you know what I do?

……………..I stick my tongue out as far as it will go ................and slowly ........seductively LICK THE INSIDE OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT WINDOW……..and then I take off - FAST!    (.....'cause that's how classy I am....)