Let’s talk about “Garden Gnomes!” You know the ones.......the non-mistakable little ceramic statues of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarf" look-a-likes with rosey cheeks and tall, pointy, bright red hats!
"I HATE THE THINGS!" I hate them with a passion! They seriously freak me out! Why anyone would want them to adorn their yards or flower beds is beyond me!
I just don't understand the obsession with these "evil pygmies" with their nonchalant smirks!"
They scare me! They scare me bad! If one of those things were adorning my yard, I'd never be able to sleep! I just KNOW that when everyone sleeps at night, they come to life and reek havoc on all of us innocent people! I just know it! My greatest fear is that they are multiplying and plotting to do away with us humans and make the earth their world one day!
And have you noticed that most of them are holding picks or shovels? HELLLOOOO......... Shouldn't that be a dead give-away, people?
And another thing........I know that when we aren't looking, they must urinate all over my plants with their "acid urine". And I know these wicked little midgeits sneak into my laundry room during the day and steal socks.....not a pair of socks, no.....just one sock. And they do this just to taunt me, I know.
My mother and father have decided to use these little misfits to decorate their flower beds, (against my better judgement.) My parents not only have one of these scary little useless "Dwarf Wanna-Be's", but they have about 3 or 4 of them. Every time I visit my parents house, I encourage my folks to get rid of them, for fear that the wicked little creatures will do away with my parents one day. For that, I know that these little creatures hate me, too, and have plans to do away with me, as well. I know they know "I'm on to them!" And I know, as I turn my back to walk into the house, they frown and plot against me.
And is it really my imagination, but they never seem to stay in the same spot. "Wasn't that little gnome by the garage door, next to the lilacs when I went to sleep last night?" "Why is it this morning, it's on the other side of the garage, next to the sunflowers and the windmill?"
I just know that someday when I awaken from a nightmare, there will be an evil little gnome with his bright blood-red hat, standing over me, with a shovel in his hand, howling with evil laughter with plans to do away with me. And I just hope I'm ready! Let's all be ready!
Photo courtesy of snibblebut.tripod.com