I'd Rather Eat A Cheeseburger

When I was younger, I never had a problem with my weight. Up until about 10 years ago, I always looked fit and trim. With the exception of my chin.....I could weigh 100 pounds and be anorexic and I would still have my double chin. It's in my genes. But when you're thin and fit, who looks at you chin anyway. And to be honest, my chin is the least of my problems right now. (But that's another post, and we'll talk about chins later.)

Ten years ago I certainly didn't have any problems fitting into ALL of the clothes that were hanging in my closet. I would always walk around my house in my matching underwear and bra......(because when I was "young and hot", I was "anal" about my undergarments matching at ALL TIMES. I would have been completely mortified to be caught in my skivvy's wearing a blue bra and green panties.) And I used to not care if anyone ever seen my body. I would go to the beach in my bikini and I would walk up and down the shore numerous times in hopes that people would see how great I looked. Let's just say that ten years ago I wouldn't have had to try to squeeze into a size 10 pants in order to pretend I wasn't fat!

I was wearing size 8 and 10 jeans back then, and they were wonderfully comfortable and they actually fit me! (No muffin top hanging out and no unbuttoning them after 15 minutes.) Yes I'll have to admit I looked a lot better back in my early thirties, when I was a lot younger and healthier. I was thin, I ate better, I was healthy, I was teaching aerobics and I was taking better care of myself. I didn't get winded walking up a flight of stairs. I didn't have a sore butt after a night of bowling! And my legs didn't hurt the next day, after a night out of dancing. I was in the best shape of my life! Boy if I knew then what I know now I certainly would have continued doing sit-ups and taken more walks on the treadmill.

Oh, what I wouldn't do to be thin again. Not that I'm the kind of girl that needs to be thin and beautiful to be happy, but it sure would be great to be a little more healthier than I am at this stage of my life! The problem is that as much as I would love to be skinny and healthy again, I'd rather eat a cheeseburger. Let's face it....."Cheeseburgers Rock!" Big, greasy, messy, fattening, cholesterol filled, fat burgers that when you take a bite, all of the insides run down your fingers. They can be grilled or broiled, fried or baked.....I don't really care. I don't even need a bun....I'll eat them with my hands and dip them in mayonnaise if I must. I absolutely love them! They say that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. And I'm sure that's true, but how am I supposed to watch my cholesterol and stay fit and trim with all the cheeseburgers teasing, taunting me and calling my name. Let's be honest, I'm not about to lose any weight as long as there are cheeseburgers in my world. What is really pathetic is that half the time, I'm not even hungry. But then again, I don't eat because I'm hungry. I just love to eat. "Some people eat to live, I live to eat!" Yes, eating is one of my favorite things to do!

I could start eating healthier. And I could start working out. But who wants to eat carrots and celery? And I'm not in the mood to work out. Exercising makes me tired, makes me sweat and I usually pee my pants. I use to work out all of the time. I used to love to exercise back in my aerobic days. Now I've gotten lazy. And the longer I go without exercise, the harder it is to get back into it! I've tried diets.......all kinds of diets! The Grapefruit Diet gave me canker sores. The Cabbage Soup Diet gave me bladder infections. Slim Fast is absolutely useless. Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisines, and Smart Ones, .....they all have one thing in common...they don't work for me. Face it, I'd rather eat cheeseburgers!

So............in my perfect little world, all I need is a miracle skinny pill! Yes, I'm all about taking a pill! How easy would that be? One that makes me thin and healthy again. "Take once a day and see the pounds just fall off!" "The eat all I want without having to exercise kind of pill!" That's the one! Trust me, I've tried them all and I have yet to find one that works. I simply need a pill that will make me not want to eat. Plain and Simple, right? Not a pill that curbs my appetite. (We've established that I don't eat because I'm hungry, so curbing my appetite won't work for me!) And for Gosh Sakes don't give me a pill that needs to be taken along with a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. Are you kidding me! If I was eating a proper diet and exercising, I wouldn't need to take a pill to begin with! And what's with all of these pills and their side effects? If taking some sort of miracle skinny vitamin is going to cause my hair to fall out, cause seeping boils to appear on my face or cause me to have anal leakage.....then don't bother.  I'd rather stay fat!

Phote courtesy of Microsoft ClipArt