Recovering from my 'Thong Accident', Hula Hoop Girl and a Day at the Golf Course!

Well, first of all, I'm still recovering from my 'Thong Accident' from last week!  (My buttocks are healing quite nicely....thank you!)

I got to meet 'Hula Hoop Girl'........no kidding......she Hula Hoops for a living....she won 'Flints Got Talent' in 2009.   .Her name is Laura......she's cute and a whole lot of fun!  (.....I mean...she's NOT as fun as I AM of course, but hey..... she's OK!)  She was all about getting attention with her Hula Hoop AT FIRST..........but it didn't take me long to put her in her place and explain to her that it's NOT all about her...........It's ALL About Me!     (As soon as she understood that, we got along just fine!)  

Golfing was a blast on Saturday!  Not that I actually golfed or anything..............(....remember that whole conversation about me being eye candy on the course and all.......try to keep up.....)  Well, I DID look phenomenal in my little golf outfit......not that that should surprise you.........helloooooo............

And guess what? ...................I got my OWN cart!  .....WHY YES, WE GOT CARTS...............I DON'T EVEN golf for petes sake,  you didn't actually think I was gonna walk the damn course did you?  Do you NOT KNOW ME, people?    (.....I know, you're thinking who in their right mind would allow me to be in charge of my own golf cart..................)  .......SO..... not only was I looking awesome on the course........... my BFF's (Porscha, Amy, Laura and Jessica) let me be IN CHARGE of the COOLER!  .......what the HELL were they thinking, I ask you?..........  (I never claimed to have the most intelligent friends....I'm just saying.)  So basically...... I'm looking HOT......in my OWN cart....... by myself.....and in charge of the Alcohol......OH, and in charge of the music, TOO...(well, not really IN CHARGE of the music, but I got to keep the music in MY CART!)...........I think the music was Laura's idea.....(remember, Hula Hoop Girl?)........OMGOSH.....talk about PRESSURE! (I don't know how they thought I could keep up with looking beautiful, in charge of drinks and songs, trying to maneuver my cart in a sober fashion, while trying to be on the lookout for the 'Golf Police' and rabid grizzly bears and Garden Gnomes)..........and what do you mean, MUSIC? ON A GOLF COURSE?  Everyone knows you CAN'T golf without music ......geez......nothing better than trying to make a putt ...with Taio Cruz is singing "I Put My Hands Up in the Air Sometimes!" out of the IPOD.......I'm just saying.  (well, pretty much a recipe for disaster ....if I do say so myself!)  The four of them (my friends, that is) are pretty good golfers - I have to admit!  (Amy could have golfed better, mind you, but I think I kept distracting her with my HOTNESS!  Or, maybe it was my dancing!  Hey - it's not my fault she kept joining in and shakin' her groove thing with me and 'USHER' out there on the course!)  Hey, it wasn't MY idea to bring the MUSIC.....and put it in MY cart!   Hey, my friends should know me by now, right?....they didn't really expect me to just sit there in my cart and keep my mouth shut all day long, did they!   (I think that's why they invited me, anyway....to amuse them!)  .....and trust me it doesn't take much to amuse Amy and Porscha (they normally just amuse themselves!)

WELL, needless to say, while my fellow friends concentrated

on their golf games, I on the other hand, 'Got Drunk and told Jokes!'   Did you know that it's hard to focus on your golf game with a loud obnoxious funny 'HOT' woman with you?  Well, (they told me.....repeatedly....) apparently it is!  Anyway.........what a fun day!  I laughed so hard I

couldn't stop peeing my pants.  By the way, we talked about that, too (peeing my pants, that is).  But I won't get into that....(NOTE TO SELF:  Next time, bring more depends!)  Yeah I pee myself a lot...just in case you're new to my blog! 

Yeah, incontinence is a BITCH, girlfriends!

(photo courtesy of the internet)