Chuck Sambuchino is currently my HERO! He’s a brilliant man who wrote this book about the upcoming invasion of the Garden Gnomes. As far as I KNOW, he’s the only one that has been brave enough to warn us all about the murderous dwarfs. Oh, and besides writing, Chuck loves music, plays guitar and piano in a rock cover band (how cool is that) and he loves chocolate chip cookies. And he’s HOT …………(….I’m just sayin’)……..
YOU GOTTA GET THIS BOOK, PEOPLE……..in it, Chuck, talks about the looming dangers that garden gnomes present to America’s suburbs and rural areas. "As many as 10 percent of unsolved cold cases probably involve garden gnomes," Sambuchino told AOL News. "It's a serious problem." (..the book is only 106 pages long, so don't panic....even slow readers can manage this.....trust me......)
Key points featured in the book:
1.) Which areas of the country are more prone to garden gnome attacks, as well as keys to determining whether you're at risk. (Are you at risk?) (maybe you ought ta read the book.....you think?)
2.) Did you know that garden gnomes use a variety of weapons for their fiendish attacks, including slingshots, axes and spears, but their killing tool is the scythe? (Important information, so try to keep up!)
3.) Mr. Sambuchino also claims that garden gnomes are most likely to attack during storms. Do you know why? (..........probably NOT cause' you haven't read the 'freakin' book.....)
"The rain hitting the roof masks the sound of drilling through the wall," he said. "They attack you in bed, which is why I recommend making paper-mache copies of yourself and putting them in the other bedrooms. That way, if they attack you, you have time to see it happening and escape." (By God, he's a Genius, I tell you!)
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only survival guide that instructs you on how to prevent and ward off a home invasion and eradicate them from your property for good. In the unfortunate event of an actual attack, it will prepare you for battle, outlining dozens of possible encounter scenarios and defense strategies.
.....Don't think you have anything to worry about? ............Don't think the 'garden gnomes' are anything that you really have to worry about? ..............Are you really willing to take that chance?
Source: When Garden Gnomes Attack by David Moye/Aol News (Sept 22, 2010)