Hi, everyone.......My name is Maximus "Killer" Brown, (But everyone calls me Max.) I live in a big house with a very nice family, (The Browns). I've been with them about 7 1/2 years. (I'm 8 years old.) It didn't take long for me to train this family. Now I pretty much get whatever I want around here. The two big humans raise their voice at me from time to time, but usually all I have to do is look at them, (with my cute little look that I always give them), and they usually give in to anything I want around here.
They even put in a custom"doggie-door", (that's just my size), that goes out to my own little private doggie pen. (Which is complete with pavement and flowers.) I can pretty much go in and out of this little door whenever I want to.......which is kind of cool. I think that out this little door is where they would PREFER me to do my thing (pee and poop), but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to go outside, so I just go in their house. This really pisses Jenny off! ...............And don't even think about me going outside when it's raining out. I hate it when my feet get wet. They yell at me and call me a "pussy dog"........... but "sticks and stones!" Why would I go outside in the rain and get all wet, when I can stay in here and just pee all over this big house? Hellllllooooo..................people....I'm not stupid!
There are no other pets in this family, so I'm pretty much spoiled rotten. Jenny even lets me sleep with her every night, (which drives Rob nuts, sometimes!) I don't think he likes me in the bed with them EVERY night! (If you know what I mean!) ..............wink! wink!
Every night, (the highlight of my day), I watch out the back window for these creatures that the humans call "deer". Every night, just like clock work, the deer make their voyage from one side of the yard to the other (in plain view) and I have the privilege of watching and barking my _ss off at them for about 2 hours each night. (Which seems to upset the humans more than the deer!) My barking doesn't seem to bother the deer, at all. I think the deer are used to me by now and they've just become accustomed to my barking every night. If fact, I think these deer intentionally go out of their way to taunt me, because they know I am harmless behind the walls of this house and my little pen.
Once in awhile the kids come around and they treat me like I'm some God or something, (Boy, do I have them fooled!) When the two big humans aren't looking, the kids sneak me "people food". (Which is way better than that dry, stinky dog food that they make me eat.) Sometimes they give me too much and I puke all over the house. This really pisses Jenny off!
They have even put a sign on our door intended for all non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about me........it reads: 1.) Max lives here. You don't! 2.) We like Max a lot better than we like most people. 3.) To you, he's an animal. To us, he is our adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. So be nice to him!
I love this family!