Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Dream of Jeannie!

OK, it’s almost Halloween again and now I have the dilemma of thinking up a costume to wear to our annual Halloween party. Because you CAN’T go to a “Halloween Party” without dressing up in costume, right?

Let’s see, there are so many costumes to pick from. I, myself, (by the way) prefer to make/create my own costume each year. I will probably be “I Dream of Jeannie” again. I haven’t worn this costume in let see; it’s been about 15 years. And it sure brings back memories………

Close your eyes…..get ready to go back in time………..go back 15 years ago to Halloween night in 1994………………………

Of course, 15 years ago, I was a hot babe! (I was 28 years old, thin, long blond hair, abs of steel, phenomenal looking ass, toned arms, no wrinkles, and a complexion free of age spots.) I’m dressed up as “I Dream of Jeannie” and I look spectacular!

I’m at a Halloween party at a friend’s house, I’m single, and I’m partying like its '1999'. It’s what, 12:30PM……..and some great person (full of wisdom) decides we all need to go to the local pub to finish out the night. (I know what you’re thinking!) Yeah, great idea, partying, dancing and “drinking”, now let’s get in a car and drive, right? (Well, it was a long time ago, and my ways have long since changed since those days, so don’t worry! I’d like to say I’ve matured at this point in my life!)

So yeah, we all pile into our vehicles and proceed to drive the 15 minutes to the local pub. Except for me, I’m by myself, in my car (which is a terrible idea, by the way.) I go about 3 blocks and I realize that I really shouldn't be driving! So I do the responsible thing, pull over on a back road, turn my car off, lock my doors, lay my head back, and decide to take a short nap and sober up, before attempting to drive again.

Haven’t a clue how long I’ve been out, its pitch black and I wake up to hear my drivers’ side car door handle jiggling. (Someone’s obviously outside trying to open my driver’s side car door.) I’m figuring it’s my friends, Jeff and Krissy (who were right behind me) stopping to give me a lift. I unlock the door, and open it to find two young boys (probably 16-17 years old) ……….the dome light fills the car, and the 2 boys obviously are completely surprised by someone actually being in the car………. “Oh lady, sorry……….. didn’t mean to bother you……uh, er…..sorry lady!” And then they take off running. (Later I will realize these 2 boys were actually trying to break into my car, only to find I was in it!)

Anyway, I shut my door, re-lock it, and fall back to sleep……..haven’t a clue how long I’ve been out again………………..only this time I’m awakened by red and blue flashing lights, and a cop with a flashlight knocking on my drivers side window. (To make a long story short, he claims he has been following me, he claims he watched me pull over and let’s just say that now I’m in a heap of trouble!) I did ask him WHERE he was when the 2 boys tried to break into my car and I asked him HOW it took me 45 minutes to drive 3 blocks from the party? (I had left the party 45 minutes prior, by the way) Oh, well……..I was in no position to argue – it was HIS word against mine, and it’s pretty safe to say the cop was gonna win over I Dream of Jeannie! (Sucks to be me!) Next time I’ll take my keys out of the ignition!

So after I vomited on the cops boots (in my own defense, I did tell him that I was going to be sick, so he had a chance to get out of the way) they take me to the hospital to give blood (Oh God, don’t let me see anyone I know.) and then it’s off to the police station.

Do you know that they take all of your jewelry and possessions when they lock you in a cell for the night? They took all my veils that were part of my costume……even the veils that are hanging over my chest ……..the ones that are concealing the 'major cleavage' that I have going on. (Evidently, they thought I was gonna HANG myself in my cell.) Heellllloooooooo…………......are you kidding me? Now their popping Polaroid pictures of me, they give me my little orange booties and away to my cell I go. (Thank God, no one else is in here with me.) I lay down on the cement slab and off to dreamland I go!

Moorrnnnninng……………………….I wake up and there’s a Hooker in my cell. (Yes, I Hooker!) OMGosh….kill me now! What was I thinking? This can’t be happening? Great……who do I call? Kelly…………… I have to call Kelly! Call Kelly right now! She has to get me out of here! Please Kelly……….pick up the phone!

Kelly’s in the waiting room (waiting for them to release me)………………….. Evidently I’m a felon now! A FELON! Are you kidding me? …………….. I’m not a Felon!

And there are Polaroid pictures of me on the bulletin board behind the counter. (And they’re not very flattering pictures, I may add!) OMGosh…..can they do that? Don’t I have rights? (I’m glad I’ve been your amusement for the night, gentlemen!)

I’m in no position to question anything right now! Just get me out of here! Let me pay my fines……….. I just want to put this behind me!

And that’s the end of my story.

Now, FLASH FORWARD to today……………………..NO………….Not a proud moment in my life! I’m fortunate that God was with me to get me through that night! I’ve learned from it! That night, 15 years ago, is the “one and only time” that I’ve ever been arrested. And I’m glad it ended like it did, glad that no one got hurt within those 3 blocks, including myself! I was very fortunate and God was watching over me!

Looking ahead, 15 years later, it does make for a funny story, tho, doesn’t it!
Photo courtesy of the internet


  1. It's only funny because no one was hurt, but yikes! The crazy things we did when we were young!

  2. I can't believe I've never heard that story before! I'm excited to see what you decide to wear...


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