Marie Osmond, 'Zombieland' and how I almost killed my dog....

I rolled over in bed this morning and almost crushed ‘Maximus’ (my 6 pound yorkie) this morning………………I almost slid through an intersection this morning on my way to work (due to the slippery roads)…………. I went to the tanner this morning (since it’s February and I’m beginning to look pale and pasty)………………I fell on the frickin’ ice on the sidewalk outside my office (then got up of course and pretended nothing happened) ………………….I was weak and had 2 pieces of chocolate valentines candy today (damn you – fellow co-workers for bringing it in to work)…………I listened to Marie Osmond songs/duets all day on YouTube …………..(my new Marie Osmond favorite song is ‘Meet Me In Montana’ a duet with Dan Seals, by the way) ……….NO, MARIE, you don’t have enough likable songs to warrant your own ‘spot’ on my ‘YouTube playlist’ ……………………….I’ve seriously heard ENOUGH renditions of ‘Paper Roses’ to last me a lifetime …………. Someone…………SERIOUSLY…….. give me a gun……………………….. (Marie, do you realize you haven’t had a HIT since feathered hair was popular?) ............... I know you lost all that weight and you learned how to dance, but COME ON NOW!……………….……I ate most of the skin off one of my thumbs today and it’s throbbing with pain and I swear I can see nerve (will I ever learn? - Answer: Probably Not) ……………I'm on my third day of No Alcohol and No Energy drinks (.....yes - I'm in my own little private HELL and I think I want to die!) …………today NO birds have attacked me (apparently, their reign of terror has ended) I walked pass the bird feeders and bushes and told them I had my tennis racket and I was prepared to use it……………(yep – now the little pussy’s are scared of me!)……………..Chinese take out for dinner...................and I let HairyMan talk me into watching "ZombieLand" (possibly the stupidest movie I've ever seen in my life)............are you kidding me, Rob?