My name is Jenny.....and I guess I'm a FELON!

I few weeks ago I got a memo in my basket at work (from one of my boss’s) that our company was going to start doing ‘background checks’ on ALL of it’s employees……………….OK………(keep in mind I’ve worked for this company for 8 years now)………………………....so why should this effect me, you ask? Well, typically, it wouldn’t…………….it’s not like I’m wanted by the FBI, or something like that…………..I’ve never stolen anything, molested a child, indecent exposured myself, or murdered anyone, right? (and for those of you who don’t know me very well……….the answer is “NO” …………. I haven’t done any of these things.) So I’m not giving it another thought, right…………..big deal……………background check………….whatever……………..another day in the office for me……………..…I’m not worried!

The funny thing is that Chris (my close friend and fellow secretary in our office) and I were talking about what fellow employees WE THINK may turn out to have a background of criminal activity…………….and we’re both anticipating the results………and laughing about it! (…......because we’re both MEAN like that!..............boy, is it gonna suck to be THEM!)

Well, guess what……………(you’re gonna love this) …………….Chris is upstairs doing her thing……………on her computer - running background checks on everyone…………….everyone’s coming out CLEAN, of course……………she get done………………slips downstairs to my cubicle…………………I sense her standing behind me……………..I turn around smiling……………….I see the look of “stun-ness” in her eyes………..she’s looking at me weird……………….a look of shock and confusion……(I stop smiling)……..........the sound of silence for a moment……………………………..YES, it seems no one in our company has any criminal record of sorts...........................(come to find out)………………………NOBODY - BUT ME! ……………………..hhelllooooooo………….……………..Are you kidding me? I seriously don’t remember doing anything illegal! ………………….OK, Think – Jenny – Think!

Well, it seems that back in the year of 1994 (a very FUN year, if I remember correctly)………………… I was very foolish and got myself in a JAM……………………..that little “driving under the influence” thing has come back to HAUNT me (after all of these years!) ………………… what the HELL?! (You can read about it AT: http://mylifeasjenny.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-dream-of-jeannie.html) I was young and stupid, what can I say………………….it was possibly the worse thing that I’ve ever been thru in my life……………..thank GOD no one was hurt ………….(I spent one night in jail………………after puking on the cop……..…..dressed up like ‘I dream of Jeannie’…………smelling of Tequila…………….woke up with a hooker in my cell the next morning…………..…scared OUT OF MY MIND!)..................(you see - I'm not accustomed to waking up in jail.............things like this don't happen to me, normally, in my everyday world)……………..……..it was 16-17 years ago, for crying out loud! I cannot believe this is on my record…………….(obviously, things like that – don’t just go away - with time!)………………well, this isn’t very FUNNY at all…………NO – not funny at all - especially when the one in question – is ME! Well, guess who’s NOT laughing now, ladies…………………..…….

I’ve grown up, learned a lot, and shaped up my life since then……………………….. so don’t judge me! (He who casts stones………..remember?.........or something like that!)

My name is Jenny, and yes I guess I’m a “FELON!” (But, it’s all good!)