News of the Day.........Happy Tuesday...........

It can stop snowing anytime now, already……….(don’tcha just love this great state of Michigan). What is it – maybe 6-8 degrees outside right now?! And my socks keep falling down inside my Ugg boots, and it’s really starting to piss me off. And my jeans are too tight (…..big surprise) - so I can’t wear my long underwear ……….And I don’t have a winter coat that makes me look Sexy……I ONLY own winter coats that make me look ‘Frumpy and Fat!’…………….by the time I put on my gloves, a scarf and earmuffs, I look totally ridiculous………. I look like I weigh 300 pounds - on my way to build a snowman! (Note to self: I need to get me a pretty little ski jacket that will keep me warm and make me look skinny and Hot!)

A couple weeks ago I removed the screens from my office windows at work (the windows look cleaner and I can see better out of them) .........and now I can officially be called a murderer! Everyday for the last couple of weeks, birds have been hitting the windows……….scares the SHIT out of me, by the way! I’m just waiting for one of them to come crashing thru the glass and attack me at my desk…...............shards of glass flying everywhere……....…feathers everywhere I look...........…….and there will be bloody bird parts all over my desk and the floor …......……some of the glass is bound to get in my eyes.........…..and maybe cut my arms and face (and we all know how great I am at blood)………....I’ll have feathers in my mouth and bloody talons and beaks tangled in my hair.................and it’s gonna be bad – real bad…..………........well - I don’t think so, ladies!


Today I walked outside and there are 2 dead birds lying outside my door, for Gods Sakes! (A cardinal and a chickadee) ……......ok...........last straw …………..time to put the screens back up, don’tcha think? .......………... I’m starting to feel kinda guilty! (It's about time after 15-20 dead birds..................you think...) (And I'm running out of little wooden crosses to mark their graves with!.............It looks like a tiny bird cemetary out there under my window!)

(Well, if it wasn’t for all the damn bird feeders outside my door, maybe there wouldn’t be so many dead birds lying around, Okay?!...............helllooooooo................)

(Not to mention the fact that I get 'dive bombed' by birds everytime I walk by the damned bird feeders every day......................they even hide in the bushes and fly out at me as I pass on the sidewalk...................I'll chalk that one up to the garden gnomes being in cahoots with the birds....................)

All this talk about birds has got me hungry, now................(all I can think about is chicken).............I’m starving! ..............................I’ve only ate a banana today and I’m drinking my green tea. I did find an old jolly rancher and hershey kiss in the back of my top drawer - but I've eaten those already................ in about 3 seconds.................3 seconds flat............I don't even think I chewed the jolly rancher.............I think I swallowed it whole................(couldn't get them in my mouth fast enough).................I shoved the hershey kiss in my mouth so fast, I got chocolate all over my face................I looked like one of those guys in a hotdog eating contest on the ESPN channel)……..........…and now I keep burping up watermelon and chocolate!

I’m sick of green tea, by the way……..who the Hell drinks this stuff, anyway – it’s gross! I’m going back to my Red Bull! (So much for being healthy)...............(and so much for my Green Tea, kick………….that lasted long!)

Photos courtesy of the internet.