Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Red Lips on my Butt, Hilary Duff, and I Clogged the Toilet......

Highlights Of My Day:


1.) Since I’m getting a tattoo this summer……(“red lips on my _SS”, for your information)……….SOMEONE (who will remain nameless)…….…(ur…..’Unknown Mami’) ……. says I should get a tattoo of a 'garden gnome'…….heelllloooooo……(has she not been paying attention to my posts?)......(...or is she just trying to get me riled up?)............…now I've got the creeps (thanks, Mami)…….and the shivers…….and I’m sure to have nightmares tonight just thinking of it! “Garden Gnome tattoo……..I THINK NOT!”


2.) Today was ‘Hilary Duff Day’ on the ole’ YouTube playlist ……..My favorite songs are ‘Who’s That Girl’, ‘Fly’, ‘So So Done’, and ‘Dangerous To Know’            (She’s such a little ‘cutie pa-tootie’…….)

3.) OK........I’ve lost ONE pound......yes ONLY ONE miserable pound……..(…….seriously…..in three weeks………)   Unless I lose another 29 pounds by June 1st - NO $1000.00 FOR ME……….I’m so pathetic!    At this rate I'll be THIN by......uh.......20 years.........uh.......and by then, I could be dead!    (What are the chances of me losing another 29 pounds in 19 days?!)   It’s NOT looking good, girlfriends!   Unless I magically ‘give birth’ to a baby between then and now!


And 4.)  (I’m saving the best for last)   Today I clogged the toilet at work………………and I mean REALLY clogged it……….(I’m not kidding, girlfriends)……….I spent 20 whole minutes in the bathroom plunging and the ‘Freakin’ thing overflowed twice……(I panicked, which apparently made it worse)……. there was POOP water all over……it was splashing all over me and getting all over the walls and floor. I should’ve known there was going to be a problem in the first place, because I was having a hard time poopin’ it out to begin with……………(I think it has to do with ‘Too Much Cheese” lately!) I e-mailed my boss (who happened to be out of the office - he gets his e-mails on his cell phone)……the message was as follows:

Bill (my boss):    Just so you know, I clogged the toilet here in the office……….I’ve been in there 20 minutes plunging and it’s overflowed twice. Apparently my poop was bigger than I thought it was. I don’t know what to do! Any ideas? (I think we’re gonna need a BIGGER PLUNGER!)   Jenny

That’s it for the day (so far)………..tell me about your day. Any poop problems?


6 comments:

  1. You make me laugh hysterically. Thanks

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  2. It's all that damn beef jerky.

    Perhaps try a little fiber in your diet! Take the Activa challenge! Ever heard of an apple?

    Way too funny. By the way, I did the same thing when I was pregnant at work. Things weren't working the same with my plumbing. I went to the store to buy a plunger (didn't have one at work). It wasn't big enough. I went to ANOTHER store and had to buy a bigger one. I couldn't get the pressure with my giant belly in the way so I had to ask the guy I work with to help.
    The plunger was labeled something nasty with my name on it for the rest of time.
    I feel your pain.

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  3. You've got me laughing and cringing at the same time.

    I'm just saying, when you go get your tattoo, you never know the tattoo artist might mess up and give you a garden gnome instead of red lips. Tattoo artists make mistakes all the time. Especially if a certain "unknown" person (that person may or may not be a mami) bribes them. You better have a mirror or be very flexible so you can keep an eye on your ass. I jest. I'm sure the lips will look nothing like a garden gnome, except for the mouth part of a garden gnome.

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  4. That was crazy!

    Visiting from SITS. Have a great weekend.

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  5. Dazee: I'm glad I got a laugh out of you....My mission has been acomplished!

    Anonymous: (I know who you are!) And it had nothing to do with the 'jerky' my dear friend! And see? We all have our own stories to tell don't we?

    Mami: You've got me thinking now.....I'll for sure take a mirror with me! There will be NO garden gnomes on my butt! :):)

    Chele: Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Hi there! I stumbled across your blog and LOVE it! I'll for sure be following!

    :D

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