"Gnomeland Security", I Got A Sliver in my LIP, and I Wanna Retire!

I’m boycotting ‘Travelocity’ (by the way) .......that is - until they get rid of that ‘Stupid Little Gnome’ that keeps popping up on all of their commercials…………….enough already with the gnome! ………….. (Obviously, they don’t read my blog!)

Oh, and I almost forgot…………………we hung out with friends over Memorial Day weekend and one of our good friends, (we’ll call him Sexy-Rexy), had a shirt on that he wore just for me..............yes, JUST FOR ME!    It read:   GNOMELAND SECURITY!    And it had a picture of a gnome with a slash over it!     WAY TOO COOL!       Sexy Rexy’s hot little wife, (we’ll call her Porscha), bought it down state at some ‘Gnome Bar’ that she went to this spring……(what she's doing entering gnome bars is beyond me)........…..But she did buy it WITH ME IN MIND……….helllloooooo………that’s one good friend that understands it’s ALL ABOUT ME!  (Willing to sacrifice entering a 'gnome lair' and all..................)

BY THE WAY..........I ASK YOU........what ‘Demented Freak’ would have a ‘Gnome Bar’??………………I’m just saying?!

And while I'm on the subject of FREAKS......................Ever GET A SLIVER in your lip while applying lip liner - using a wooden lip liner pencil - that needs to be sharpened?     Well, just so you know………………”IT AIN'T PRETTY, GIRLFRIENDS!”…………and now I look like I have a big ‘cold sore’ on my top lip………(but it’s NOT a cold sore, people……… it’s a ‘SLIVER’) ……………..and I think it’s infected and swollen………..and now it looks like a BIG ZIT! ………and it hurts to brush my teeth…………...and to smile!  (NOTE TO SELF:  Remember to sharpen lip liner pencil before I apply it to my 'enlarged puss filled vampire lip!')

Oh……and talking about being in public with my 'huge elephant man lip"...............does ANYONE know of any legitimate home based business that I can GET RICH QUICK  while working from home………..I seriously want to retire!   Not that I don’t like my job, girlfriends…(just in case my boss is reading this, that is).........…..but I’m getting LAZY and I’m sick of working everyday……..............FACE IT..........I’d rather be home - cleaning my house - and hanging laundry on the line -and baking goodies for HairyMan - and enjoying the sun - and working in my yard - and relaxing in my hot-tub and - watching Jerry Springer re-runs all day………..but HairyMan says I have to find another income, if I want to leave my job………SO..... UNLESS I win the lottery, (which is more than likely NOT going to happen since I never buy a ticket)..........OR........ UNLESS I get a night job selling myself on the corner of Division and 32nd Street, (which…….between you and I………..I don’t think people are actually gonna pay A LOT of money to see me naked)…………I think I’m pretty much screwed and I have a feeling it’s gonna be a while till I get to retire………….UNLESS…..any of you have a plan that you’d be willing to share!