Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I peed my pants, I have paper towel falling out of my bra....and those D*MN sprinklers!

List of things that are irritating me today at work today:

1.)  The sprinklers are ON at work and it’s raining outside! (…..absolutely drives me freakin’ nuts, Bill…)

2.)  I ran out of Vodka! (….sucks………nothing to put in my orange juice today….)   .....(Note to self:  Buy Vodka on my lunch-hour....)

3.)  The under-wire in my bra is jabbing me in the rib! (…I just checked and my right side is raw and bloody right now…I’m seriously thinking of taking off my bra right now…)  I’ll try stuffing paper towel under my bra and see if that works.

4.)  I sneezed and peed myself so I’m walking around with a sweater tied around my waist all day – reeking of urine! (Not the cat piss that I rub all over my body to keep the garden gnomes away, but MY urine!) I sprayed myself with the bathroom deodorizer to camouflage the pee smell…..and accidentally sprayed it in my eyes and so now my eyes are swollen, red and watering and everyone keeps asking me why I’m crying!. (…I don’t know why I sprayed it on my head to begin with …..it’s not like I peed on my face…it’s not my head that reeks of urine…helllllooooo……)

5.) Paper towel isn’t working, people…..I’m walking around all day with paper towel falling out of my blouse and now half the office thinks I’m STUFFING MY BRA! 

Is it 5 o'clock yet?    ....(...GEEZ.....)


  1. Wow, suddenly I don't feel so bad. I put on a pair of slacks for work, not knowing they had a huge gaping hole in the crotch area.

    I didn't notice until I felt a cold, air-conditioned breeze. I reached down and WHOA!!!

    Luckily I live 5 minutes away, and coworkers are so oblivious they didn't notice the hole, or the change in pants.

    Sorry about the day! Drink one for me! Or 5....

  2. omg. you should have just gone braless. told them since you didn't celebrate national braless day, you were doing it today.

    yeah, sure you didn't pee on your face. or did you.........

    we had freaking snow today. mother nature better stay the freak out of my way.

  3. For one, try keggling. If that doesn't work try depends. A wedge of sofa foam might work in your bra.

  4. well now, you've had one helluva day my friend!!

    i pee myself often... laughing, sneezing, coughing...sometimes just plain ol bending over to sit down... fun stuff! i carry handi wipes and extra undergarments... sucks getting old.. then throw in the MS and i've just got pee everywhere hahaha

    underwire bras... i hate them...HATE... but what's a girl gonna do... the price we pay for knockers is underwire... who decided way back when that women were supposed to strap those puppies in anyway? probably some man that didn't like them hanging...

  5. oh my girl. i'm so sorry!
    i hope you get your vodka soon gurl.....
    isn't getting old fun? (pee in pants when sneezing or laughing?) rofl...

  6. Lost.in.Idaho: Don'tcha just hate it when those things happen...I normally carry an extra pair of pants and what-not in my car for days like these...but not this day! Wouldn't ya know....

    Dazee: It wouldn't have been a pretty sight to take my bra off, trust me! (.... Oh, the price we ladies have to pay to stay beautiful and keep the twins perky!) :):)

    Shelly: Kegals - I've tried! (Don't you know by now that I'm not into exercising....helllooooo....) And I have stock in 'Poise Pads'...trust me! It just wasn't me day! :):)

  7. Sherri: Yeah, it sucks getting old (.....at least I still have my hotness, right??)
    Like I told Lost.in.Idaho, I normally carry extra pants and undies and pads everyday, but just wasn't prepared this time. Oh Hell, my purse is full of wet wipes, tampons, pads, deoderant sprays, lotions.....maybe I better start carrying some sort of spray that gets rid of urine-smell, too! My purse looks like a suitcase as it is! :):)

    Cluttered: No worries...I'm back on Vodka today! ....and I've got the twins in a different bra! :):)

  8. There is a spray for that. It's cold Urine Be Gone...it's for cats, but if they can't smell it then we definitely can't smell it!!!

    -the "other" jessica

  9. Hey, Jessica: I'll have to try this 'Urine Be Gone' that you speak of....as long as it doesn't get rid of the 'cat piss' smell (...I wear cat pee on purpose to keep the gnomes away, you see...) But if it takes away my 'piss my pants' smell, I'll get a bottle of it and start carrying it in my purse along with my wet-wipes and deoderant! :):)

  10. Oh how #4 haunts my soul. Damn kids have ruined me for life. Good for you for embracing other types of urine though! I've turned my back on all things piss.
    I hope you're having a better (and less uriny) day today!

  11. AMo: Yes - Sucks, doesn't it? (Well, it could be worse - we could have 'anal leakage' too!) :):)


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