I Smell Poop!

So I take my dog, Max, out to do his business yesterday......we're walking around the yard and he finally squats to take a huge 'dump.'  After he's done, I pick him up and carry him inside the house......and all is well.  (....or so I thought!)


About 10 minutes later, I decide to run into town and do some running around.  I grab my purse and car keys, get into my car ..... (....hum....I smell 'Dog Poop!')   I check my shoes and find nothing and chalk it up to my imagination.... (....who knows...maybe I passed gas and didn't know it, right?)


So my first stop is the post office.  I enter the post office, stand in line for about 5-10 minutes.....(....not paying too much attention to a couple of people who keep looking at me weird...)  I buy my stamps and I'm on my way.... 


My 2nd Stop is TSC (Tractor Supply Company) ....I get my chicken food, carry it to the check out line and there it is again...(I smell 'Poop!')  I know I didn't pass gas this time...so that's not it.......that's weird!  Well.....I'm in a 'Farm Store', right......so maybe it's normal to smell poop in a farm store!


My 3rd and last stop is Wal-Mart.  I spend about 1 - 1 1/2 hours going through the aisles and picking out my groceries and toiletries.  (A few people look at me and give me 'The Look', but I don't think too much of it!  Hey, I'm in Wal-Mart, remember......)  I pay for my groceries and head to my car in the parking lot. 


While I'm packing my groceries into the car......I happen to look at my reflection in the window of my car!  There's something BLACK on my shirt!!   "OMGosh....you've got to be freakin' kidding me!!"


I look down at my shirt....and YES.....you guessed it.............. 


I have DOG SHIT all down the front of my shirt.........


....So I'm thinking that earlier that day - when I picked up Max - after he had taken a DUMP outside.......he must have rubbed his NASTY ASS all down the front of me.... (.....like pretty much  - just basically - using my shirt as a piece of  'Toilet Paper' for his butt ......)


.....and I've been walking around town for hours with DOG POOP on my shirt.....


(Well, that explains the DOG SHIT smell that I've been smelling all day!)