Job Randomness.....

I've decided I'm gonna quit my job!  I've decided that I really don't wanna work any more. ......I've got too much other stuff that I wanna do......and I don't have time to work ......working's taking up far too much of my time these days and I don't have enough time for all my other activities...(..like being 'Hairymans' Trophy wife - and other important things.....)....

I've been weighing my options.................I'll quit my job, I'll lose a lot of weight and become a stripper.....(....not necessarily in that order..)...I think I'll lose the weight first, then quit my job - then probably preform on amateur night in some local bar............... then maybe start stripping full time....maybe become the headline act in a really classy joint.

If things don't turn out with my stripping career, maybe I'll become a cop!  I'll go to a police academy and perfect my shooting skills ....maybe even become a master of the 'nunchucks'.....

I've also decided that I want to star in my own sitcom......   I think I'd be great in a sitcom!  You guys would watch it, wouldn't you?  ..(...well.....of course you would....)   I could talk about myself and the whole show would be about how awesome I am!  And we'll call it 'My life as Jenny'  ........I'm a 'FREAKIN' GENIUS' - I tell you!  Freakin' Genius!

 

In fact.....I think I'll start writing the script tonight......I'll keep you posted!

Later....

Jenny's 'Coyote Ugly Butt-Less Chaps'....

If you know me at all, you know that I have this 'on-going fasination' ...(OBSESSIVE ANAL FASCINATION....)....with

my 'Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps!'

I've had several people ask me the following question:

"Aren't ALL chaps butt-less?"

My response is as follows:

"Why YES, ALL chaps are butt-less...........

but I SERIOUSLY REALLY LIKE saying 'Butt-less Chaps' so that's what I say!"  

And I've had several ladies approach me and want to know WHERE I got my "Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps".......well, I didn't BUY them.........I MADE THEM!  (....YES - I am THAT talented, people!)

Actually I stole the idea from Brooke Hogan.......

(photo of Brooke Hogan in her 'butt-less chaps' taken from the internett)

Altho I have a little more 'Class' than Brooke Hogan.............

and I'll admit that 'MY ASS' looks BETTER in them then Brooke Hogans....

......I'm just sayin'..........

..........sooooooooooooooo..............

You want my 'Secret Pattern?'

Well, here goes...........

.....take a regular pair of your jeans .......... 

.....now 'CUT THEM'  ....(See below).....

And the final product will be as follows....

Now put on a belt, add a sexy top and hitch up your cowboy boots and you'll be all set!

(AND don't forget to wear some sexy underwear.... for GOSH SAKE's.....not your 'old stained granny-pannies'.........)

NOTE: At first I was a little hesitant regarding letting

you in on my 'Secret Pattern'...but then I thought to myself........

who am I foolin' ???

There's NO WAY in H*LL that you girls will look as good in yours as I do in mine!!

......so ENJOY!

Wearing sweaty Long Dresses, Singing with my Son and making Wedding Memories!

My son got married this last weekend …(….yes, I know - you’re all thinking I can’t possibly be old enough and I certainly don’t LOOK old enough to have a grown son……But I Do!)…….and of course I got all dressed up and made myself look beautiful for the wedding….(…. which wasn’t very hard for me, since I’m already pretty ‘Smokin Hot’ anyway…)

I wore a LONG DRESS to the wedding (…cause I was the ‘Mother of the Groom’ and that’s what we mother of the grooms do …..) ……anyway……. it was freakin’ HOT on Saturday and I was sweatin’ like a Hog all day long.......and the air conditioning wasn’t working in the reception hall and I was getting sick & tired of sweating in my long sweaty dress.....(...and I was already ornery because the ice in my cocktails was melting way too fast in my drinks - due to the heat....)......and I kept tripping over my dress because I had had way too much VODKA anyway........besides - no-one could see my sexy supple legs under my stupid long dress, right?....…. (....and I was a little pissed to begin with - because everyone said I COULDN'T wear WHITE to the wedding.....)....(....and why the hell couldn't the mother of the groom carry flowers?)  .............I'm just sayin'....

........so by the end of the reception….(just so you know) …I HAD HAD ENOUGH....I found a pair of scissors and I cut my 'flippin' dress OFF…..yep…that’s right….(....NO....I didn't cut the whole damn dress off, people .......it was my son's wedding for Gosh Sakes....).....I just cut the BOTTOM HALF OFF - leaving me with a short dress to wear at the reception - instead of having to wear my long dress all night....)  .........kinda like LONG to SHORT in 3 minutes….(....actually - now that I think about it - I'm a GENIUS to have thought of such a great idea....)  Maybe I'll have to patent my long dress/short dress idea....hmmmm.......(.....I just figured if I ever wanted to wear the stupid dress LONG again - I'd just sew it back together - right?.... )   Like I said - I'M A FLIPPIN' GENIUS!.....

.........then my son and I proceeded to do our Karaoke rendition of ‘Crystal Ball’ by ‘Styx’ during the ‘Mother/ Son’ dance……(...yes, we're Classy like that!)   .....then I did the ‘Thriller Dance’ with all my friends on the dance floor (...yes, I'm cool like that!)

…………..WHY? ……… 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL!   
  And helllloooooooo......wasn't this wedding all about me, anyway?  

......HEY - they're just LUCKY I didn't break out the ole' "Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps!".......that's all I'm sayin'........

Have I told you lately how AWESOME I am?

I’m a terrible friend………but I’m not going to take all the blame……how many times have I told you people that you can’t expect TOO MUCH out of me!


Last month, my good friend, Dazee Dreamer, over at ‘Crazy Daze & Nite Dreams’ gave me an award BECAUSE I'M SO AWESOME.....helllloooooooo.    She’s pretty awesome herself and I like her a lot!  I can seriously say that she’s ALMOST as funny and ALMOST as cool as me!   ALMOST!   So if you haven’t went and checked out her blog…..quit being lame and go say hello ….be sure to tell her that I sent you over……actually – if you visit her blog and mention my name, you’ll get a free 48 inch flat-screen TV and a paid subscription to People magazine…….(…..NO - not really…..I just made that up…..she probably won’t give you anything…….but go visit her anyway…..She’s really funny!)

Anyway….she gave me a ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ because I’m SO COOL!

So now I have to tell you 7 things about myself….so here goes…..

1.) I drank A Lot of beer last night and I’m really Gas-y today! I keep farting and blaming it on my co-worker……you know - the one that nobody likes!

2.) If I take all of my clothes off and stand sideways naked in the mirror – I look pregnant!

3.) I LOVE to be the center of attention and I like to talk about myself constantly! (I KNOW you already know this….but sometimes I feel like I need to refresh your memory every now and then!)

Yes, I know……..that’s only 3 things…..but I can’t think of anything else right now – so deal with it!    Oh and another thing, I’m supposed to give this award to a few others that are deserving, but I’m being a BITCH today and don’t feel like sharing!

……………… thanks again Dazee! You’re the Best!

It's tough being a 'Trophy Wife'!

Today I’m feeling fabulous (….just so you know….)……For one – it’s freakin’ FRIDAY, people! (….HOLLER….) I flippin’ LOVE Fridays! (….my favorite day of the week, by the way….)

I stayed up a little too late last night….hellloooo…..softball just isn’t softball without a cold beer in your hand. (……….and NO – NOT ME …… I certainly DON’T PLAY the game……I WATCH HairyMan hit the ball and run around the bases on Thursday nights…….…)  You didn’t actually think ‘I’ went out and played the game, did you?    I’m not Softball material……hellllooooooooo….…what with me being lazy and fat and out of shape and all……(…..the only way I’d be able to run the bases and not pass out - is if I had on an oxygen tank strapped to my back……..)  

Besides.....the softball pants make my butt look big and I wouldn't want to break a nail!

I go to the softball games every week to watch HairyMan …(……and to scope out the hot ‘buff’ men in their tight little softball pants…) HairyMan thinks I go to watch HIM…so what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him, OKAY?  

I find my area, set up my lawn chair – phone in one hand….cooler within arms reach…..sporting sunglasses…(…I prefer the mirrored lenses…so the men don’t know I’m looking at their asses when they walk by…) ….my long blonde tresses blowing in the wind……yes, I’m looking quite fabulous….. in my short-shorts, my long tan smooth shaven legs and my ‘Detroit Tiger Jersey’ that extenuates the twins just so …..

…..well…….that’s enough about ME and how awesome I am……

………….. can I help it that HairyMan expects me to go with him every week due to the fact that I’m his ‘Trophy Wife’ and all……(….I’m just sayin’…….)
(Photo courtesy of the internet)