Job Randomness.....

I've decided I'm gonna quit my job!  I've decided that I really don't wanna work any more. ......I've got too much other stuff that I wanna do......and I don't have time to work ......working's taking up far too much of my time these days and I don't have enough time for all my other activities...(..like being 'Hairymans' Trophy wife - and other important things.....)....

I've been weighing my options.................I'll quit my job, I'll lose a lot of weight and become a stripper.....(....not necessarily in that order..)...I think I'll lose the weight first, then quit my job - then probably preform on amateur night in some local bar............... then maybe start stripping full time....maybe become the headline act in a really classy joint.

If things don't turn out with my stripping career, maybe I'll become a cop!  I'll go to a police academy and perfect my shooting skills ....maybe even become a master of the 'nunchucks'.....

I've also decided that I want to star in my own sitcom......   I think I'd be great in a sitcom!  You guys would watch it, wouldn't you?  ..(...well.....of course you would....)   I could talk about myself and the whole show would be about how awesome I am!  And we'll call it 'My life as Jenny'  ........I'm a 'FREAKIN' GENIUS' - I tell you!  Freakin' Genius!

 

In fact.....I think I'll start writing the script tonight......I'll keep you posted!

Later....

Jenny's 'Coyote Ugly Butt-Less Chaps'....

If you know me at all, you know that I have this 'on-going fasination' ...(OBSESSIVE ANAL FASCINATION....)....with

my 'Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps!'

I've had several people ask me the following question:

"Aren't ALL chaps butt-less?"

My response is as follows:

"Why YES, ALL chaps are butt-less...........

but I SERIOUSLY REALLY LIKE saying 'Butt-less Chaps' so that's what I say!"  

And I've had several ladies approach me and want to know WHERE I got my "Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps".......well, I didn't BUY them.........I MADE THEM!  (....YES - I am THAT talented, people!)

Actually I stole the idea from Brooke Hogan.......

(photo of Brooke Hogan in her 'butt-less chaps' taken from the internett)

Altho I have a little more 'Class' than Brooke Hogan.............

and I'll admit that 'MY ASS' looks BETTER in them then Brooke Hogans....

......I'm just sayin'..........

..........sooooooooooooooo..............

You want my 'Secret Pattern?'

Well, here goes...........

.....take a regular pair of your jeans .......... 

.....now 'CUT THEM'  ....(See below).....

And the final product will be as follows....

Now put on a belt, add a sexy top and hitch up your cowboy boots and you'll be all set!

(AND don't forget to wear some sexy underwear.... for GOSH SAKE's.....not your 'old stained granny-pannies'.........)

NOTE: At first I was a little hesitant regarding letting

you in on my 'Secret Pattern'...but then I thought to myself........

who am I foolin' ???

There's NO WAY in H*LL that you girls will look as good in yours as I do in mine!!

......so ENJOY!

Dear Porscha,

Porscha:  You know that 'Web Class' that I'm taking? ...(...you know...the class that's kicking my *SS and even tho I've made it thru the first 8 lessons, I'm still completely LOST and don't think I've learned ANYTHING....)

Well...... last night I did the last 4 lessons  ..... (...you know...the 4 lessons that I was behind on because I'm lazy and I've been putting them off cause' I'm not really learning anything anyway...........remember?.......you know - lessons #9, #10, #11 and #12....) ....and you'll be happy to know that I got 100% on all of the quizzes..... making my total grades for lessons #1 thru #12 - 100% on ALL of the quizzes.......Yes - I ROCK!    Aren't you proud?! ...(...heck yeah...you better be proud, girlfriend.......this shit is freakin' HARD!)     Yeah...I know....the quizzes were open book........ and I cheated?   ............(....hey.... don't judge me!)   

You didn't really think I'd pass the quizzes on my own did you?     Are you freakin' retarded?    Do you EVEN KNOW ME?    I'm really just NOT THAT SMART.........(....hey can I help it that I've been blessed with phenomenal looks and not brains?...........I'm just sayin'.....)

(for those of you who missed this post....I've been taking a Web Class and the 12 lessons in the class are not graded - they are open book.  The only thing graded is the final exam....try to keep up, people....)

So now that I've made it thru the 12 lessons, the final exam is the only thing left.  The final exam is due April 8th ............(........and if the exam has ANYTHING to do with the content that has been in the 12 lessons........ I'M DOOMED!)  .....(....cause remember......I haven't actually came even remotely close to LEARNING ANYTHING from this class so far, remember?.....)

On a more positive note:  I'm feeling pretty awesome -  cause I've stuck it out regardless - and made it thru 12 entire lessons ...(...even tho I wanted to throw in the towel after the first lesson cause this class is so FREAKIN' hard and WAY BEYOND my learning capability...........HEY.........I'm just sayin'.......)   

                  I'll keep you posted!  

No More Resolutions.........just stuff to do.........

The New Year is here and I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that I will actually carry out a New Years resolution! For the past 5 years, I’ve promised to lose weight, save money, get healthy, become more active, volunteer my time, exercise, get fit, and the list goes on………….

So with that in mind, instead of making any New Years promises to myself that I know (from past experience) that I won’t keep, I’m simply going to make a list of things that I pretty much know I can make happen in 2010! So here goes………..

1.) Buy a ‘vacation cabin’ in my hometown, Lake City, MI. …………(Rob and I made an offer and are supposed to be closing on our dream cabin in Lake City this week, so I’ve already accomplished this one…..So the years off to a good start, right?)

2.) Get a tattoo (the Chinese symbol for ‘believe’ on the back of my neck) This years the year that I get my tattoo…………. I just know it is!

3.) Add at least 3 more bottles of Tequila to my collection. (This one will be easy!)

4.) Attend a party and before the night is over - parade around in my ‘coyote-ugly butt-less chaps!’

5.) Try to post on my “my life as jenny” blog at least 3 times weekly.

6.) Have a garage sale and get rid of all the useless memorabilia and stacks of junk that have accumulated around my house in the last few years.

7.) Have a family picture - professionally taken.

8.) Get rid of all the clothes hanging in my closet “that don’t fit!” (Face it Jenny…………quit kidding yourself………they’re never going to fit! And if by chance I do lose weight, I’ll just buy NEW stuff!)

9.) Make an appointment with the dermatologist to have my ‘witch-wart’ looked at…………(you know, the weird colored splotch that’s been growing on my cheek since November…….. that won’t go away.)

10.) Join “Dwayne Johnson - (AKA: The Rock’s) Fan Site!

This is just a few that I can think of right now.........I'll add to my list as the year goes on!