PEEPS, anyone?

Am I the only one on this planet who doesn't like Easter Peeps?   I don't know what all the big deal IS with these things!  They're freakin' GROSS, people!  (...Is this what we really want your children eating?)

I did go out and buy some the other day just so I could go home and cut all their heads off!  I flushed the heads down the toilet and put their bodies down the garbage disposal! 

  ....(.....these things aren't like worms are they?  They're not gonna grow back their
appendages are they?  Like - are the heads in the toilet going to grow bodies and are
the bodies in the garbage disposal going to suddenly grow back heads?    I hope not........
...because I'm fairly certain they're gonna be pissed..........and I have enough
to worry about what with the gnomes and all!) 

What is it with sticking FORKS in people's EYES these days?

Yeah, I know…….things just aren’t the way they used to be…(..like me posting at least one or two posts a week…)....like back in the ole’ days………. Well, cry me a river, people………I’ve been busy!  I actually had a meltdown a couple of weeks ago. …….a nervous breakdown...(.....if you’d like me to be more specific…)……there – feel better now?

………..NOT the kind of nervous breakdown that puts me in the hospital (looney bin) or the kind of meltdown that makes me want to do bodily harm to myself or other people and land me in a psycho ward or prison for attempted murder…….no – not that kind of nervous breakdown……(…altho, lately I’ve had this strong urge to stick forks in people's eyes..........especially - stupid people's eyes…...and skinny people's eyes....) …..but I read somewhere that it’s illegal to stick forks in people’s eyes – so I haven’t acted on that urge............YET!


There for a while, to be honest, I was just feeling a little overwhelmed with my life and everything that I have had going on these last couple of months.......I just needed a day or two (....or maybe a week or month...)....to throw myself a 'pity party' and be lazy and complain about how busy I am and call in sick to work and do nothing but lay around on the couch in my pajamas and eat cheeseburgers and complain about how fat I am and watch 'The New Adventure of Old Christine' reruns!   (Ever have one of those weeks - or months?) 

Well - I'm over it now!  So no worries!

 Conversation with my boss the other day at work: (……..Note: I have 2 bosses where I work…)


Boss: (…let’s call him Ed……. because that’s his name in real life…..) “Jenny, are you okay? You haven’t been yourself lately?”


ME:   I’m fine…..you would know it if something was wrong.  Like, you always know when I’m mad at you, don’t you?  In the 9 years that I’ve worked here, I’ve only been mad at you two or three times……and you can tell when something’s wrong and I’m mad at you right?………..like mad -  like I wanna stick a fork in your eyeball kindof mad, right? 


ME:   Actually Ed, you only pissing me off 2-3 times in about 9 years of working for you isn’t really bad at all.   Unlike Bill!  ........Now, Bill (....we’ll call my other boss, Bill…cause that’s HIS name in real life…..) Now, Bill – on the other hand – I pretty much want to stick forks in his eyes on a daily basis! ....(.........I'm just sayin'.......)

My Name is Jenny Brown!

*I am 45 years old.
*I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
*I am an optimist.
*I know that life isn’t easy.
*I know that life isn’t fair and I’m okay with that.
*I know that ‘Life is Good!’
*I know that the most important things in my life aren’t things!
*I know that I only get one chance at this life – so I shouldn’t screw it up!
*I know that there are millions of people less fortunate than I.
*I believe that you should tell your family that you love them every day.
*I believe everyone has a choice to be who they want to be.
*I choose to be happy!
*I know not to waste my time worrying about what other people think of me anymore.
*I know that life shouldn’t be about ‘Drama’ …it should be about the simple things.
*I understand that I am getting older - and I’m okay with that – I’ve had my time!
*I believe that I am a good person.
*I believe everyone should go out of their way to be nice - even if you don't want to.
*I believe that 'Life is too short' to spend time worrying about the things you cannot change.
*I believe that you shouldn't judge a person until you know their story.
*I know not to worry about the things I don't have, but feel fortunate for the things I do have.

*I believe that you should never give up on your dreams....as silly as they may be!
*I like who I am - imperfections and all!
*I believe you should "ALWAYS BELIEVE!"
*I am who I am and I’m happy with that.
*I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
*I am 45 years old.
*My name is Jenny Brown.
"Hear me roar!"

Dear Porscha,

Porscha:  You know that 'Web Class' that I'm taking? ...(...you know...the class that's kicking my *SS and even tho I've made it thru the first 8 lessons, I'm still completely LOST and don't think I've learned ANYTHING....)

Well...... last night I did the last 4 lessons  ..... (...you know...the 4 lessons that I was behind on because I'm lazy and I've been putting them off cause' I'm not really learning anything anyway...........remember?.......you know - lessons #9, #10, #11 and #12....) ....and you'll be happy to know that I got 100% on all of the quizzes..... making my total grades for lessons #1 thru #12 - 100% on ALL of the quizzes.......Yes - I ROCK!    Aren't you proud?! ...(...heck yeah...you better be proud, girlfriend.......this shit is freakin' HARD!)     Yeah...I know....the quizzes were open book........ and I cheated?   ............(....hey.... don't judge me!)   

You didn't really think I'd pass the quizzes on my own did you?     Are you freakin' retarded?    Do you EVEN KNOW ME?    I'm really just NOT THAT SMART.........(....hey can I help it that I've been blessed with phenomenal looks and not brains?...........I'm just sayin'.....)

(for those of you who missed this post....I've been taking a Web Class and the 12 lessons in the class are not graded - they are open book.  The only thing graded is the final exam....try to keep up, people....)

So now that I've made it thru the 12 lessons, the final exam is the only thing left.  The final exam is due April 8th ............(........and if the exam has ANYTHING to do with the content that has been in the 12 lessons........ I'M DOOMED!)  .....(....cause remember......I haven't actually came even remotely close to LEARNING ANYTHING from this class so far, remember?.....)

On a more positive note:  I'm feeling pretty awesome -  cause I've stuck it out regardless - and made it thru 12 entire lessons ...(...even tho I wanted to throw in the towel after the first lesson cause this class is so FREAKIN' hard and WAY BEYOND my learning capability...........HEY.........I'm just sayin'.......)   

                  I'll keep you posted!  

"How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack"....Have YOU Bought the Book yet?

Hi guys! Have you been to the ‘My Life As Jenny Store” yet? .....over on the right side bar of this blog……...you see it……..it has a green caption/header that reads “My Life As Jenny Store”………right over there on the right.......…featuring the ‘How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack’ book……..

…….well…….if you haven’t checked it out, you had better……(just some little friendly advice from a girl who has a unhealthy fixation on being attacked by these ugly red hat-ed warriors)  it won’t take long to check out the store (since there’s only one thing featured in the store....hellloooooo........for now, anyway.....) ….but it’s this one little book that’s gonna make a difference in your life, people…..so you better check it out ….. “How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They will)” by Chuck Sambuchino.  (This is a great book.....I've read it so many times that you won't find me being unprepared when the devil dwarfs decide to attack....no-sirree-bob...I'm actually becoming quite the expert in garden gnome defense.....just so you know...)

 

Chuck Sambuchino is currently my HERO! He’s a brilliant man who wrote this book about the upcoming invasion of the Garden Gnomes. As far as I KNOW, he’s the only one that has been brave enough to warn us all about the murderous dwarfs. Oh, and besides writing, Chuck loves music, plays guitar and piano in a rock cover band (how cool is that) and he loves chocolate chip cookies. And he’s HOT …………(….I’m just sayin’)……..


YOU GOTTA GET THIS BOOK, PEOPLE……..in it, Chuck, talks about the looming dangers that garden gnomes present to America’s suburbs and rural areas. "As many as 10 percent of unsolved cold cases probably involve garden gnomes," Sambuchino told AOL News. "It's a serious problem."   (..the book is only 106 pages long, so don't panic....even slow readers can manage this.....trust me......)

Key points featured in the book:
1.) Which areas of the country are more prone to garden gnome attacks, as well as keys to determining whether you're at risk.  (Are you at risk?)  (maybe you ought ta read the book.....you think?)

2.) Did you know that garden gnomes use a variety of weapons for their fiendish attacks, including slingshots, axes and spears, but their killing tool is the scythe?  (Important information, so try to keep up!)

3.) Mr. Sambuchino also claims that garden gnomes are most likely to attack during storms.  Do you know why?  (..........probably NOT cause' you haven't read the 'freakin' book.....)
"The rain hitting the roof masks the sound of drilling through the wall," he said. "They attack you in bed, which is why I recommend making paper-mache copies of yourself and putting them in the other bedrooms. That way, if they attack you, you have time to see it happening and escape."  (By God, he's a Genius, I tell you!)

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only survival guide that instructs you on how to prevent and ward off a home invasion and eradicate them from your property for good.  In the unfortunate event of an actual attack, it will prepare you for battle, outlining dozens of possible encounter scenarios and defense strategies. 

.....Don't think you have anything to worry about?  ............Don't think the 'garden gnomes' are anything that you really have to worry about? ..............Are you really willing to take that chance? 
Source: When Garden Gnomes Attack by David Moye/Aol News (Sept 22, 2010)
http://www.aolnews.com/discuss/2010/09/22/hold-for-buck-edited-when-garden-gnomes-attack#gcpDiscussPageUrlAnchor

I gotta quit looking at myself naked in the mirror!

First of all, I’ve had about enough Red Bull that I can handle today, …..time to lay off it awhile…….I’m just sayin’…..I think I’m gonna faint!

I’m in serious need of a 'body image change', too, (just so you know)….I’m standing in front of the mirror totally naked - checking myself out again…………(……..I gotta quit doing that, already……it’s depressing………and it makes me want to throw up!)

……..and I don’t know exactly what happened to my body these last few years - to make it look like the way it does right now – ‘CAUSE it’s not pretty……..not pretty one single bit!  (….okay……..who am I fooling……….. of course I know why my body looks like this right now……....hellllllloooo…….it’s because I’m lazy….and I’m fat ……….and I like to eat!)  And as I look at this body of mine, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not that sexy anymore! And it’s starting to PISS ME OFF! (………’cause I’m this little ‘sex craved’ smokin’ hot 29 year old stuck in this frumpy ‘mom’ body……..remember?)

………I mean, it’s not like I’m the type of girl that thinks a woman has to be thin to be sexy .......(…no, I’m not that kind of girl….don’t worry…….)  But - HOLY GEEZ……I do remember that ‘IT WAS A LOT MORE FUN TO BE SEXY’ when I was thinner – and smokin’ hot………

…..so then I get this great idea that I’m gonna try on all my ‘sexy stuff’ that I have hidden in my closet………so here I am now - parading around in front of the full length mirror trying on all my sexy little lacy teddy’s and negligees and thigh highs......... high heels and garters and I’m posing all seductive and pretending I’m some ‘playboy bunny on steroids’ ……… and actually, it’s not that I look too bad…….I mean if I stand a certain way and hold in my stomach just right, and push my rear-end out and if I don’t breathe……..and push my chest out….…and don’t move, for ‘Freaks Sake’ (for fear that my muffin-top is gonna fall out of my elastic panties and one of my boobs is gonna fall out of my skimpy little bra)………….well, I may be able to get away with it………but once I move………(…well….a girls gotta breathe, right?) …........well, then it’s all over, people!

….what’s a girl to do?

.......you can't be expecting too much outta this BLOG.......okay?

Yes, I KNOW I have a moustache......but thank you very much for pointing it out to me!

One of the technicians at our office .....a co-worker.....of the male persuasion, mind you.......thought it would be a good idea to inform me that I was sporting a moustache today......YES, A MOUSTACHE.....(...and no, I'm not making this SHIT up, people.....like I wanna go around having conversations with you  about how I have black hair growing under my nose......)    (.....and just so you know.....if you look close enough, you'll probably find some hair growing OUT OF MY NOSTRILS, TOO....SO THERE....... )     Although, why him telling me that I have black hair on my upper lip should cause such a reaction in myself is beyond me........... ISN'T IT I - who doesn't have a problem with telling all of you how I have 'little black hairs growing out of my nipples'........well, one should expect that IF I HAVE hair on my nipples, I'd also be sportin' a moustache, as well!    But that's beside the point!  We're not talking about the hair growing in inappropriate places on my body..............we're here to talk about PEOPLE WHO TELL ME I have hair growing in inappropriate places! (....like I don't know that already....helllooooooo.....)

So of course all day long people were staring at my upper lip, (in my own little twisted mind, anyway), and it was all I could do to look them in the face and NOT poke them in the eyes with my finger! 

Like I'm the only woman to ever sport a 'stach.............so I forgot to bleach it one day - sue me!   OR God Forbid that I would neglect to shave my upper lip for a day or two......     GOSH.......(....now I've gotten myself all worked up again....)

LORD, IT SUCKS GETTING OLD!

Changes Are On the Horizon at "My Life As Jenny".....

Are You My Friend?

I have been truly blessed with so many great friends.........for instance..............

I have Old Friends that I went to school with......................... and those dear Friends that I grew up with......................... I have very close current Friends that I've made in the last 10 years who I think are quite terrific........... I have Friends that I like to Vacation with specifically..............I have special friends that I share many a memory with ( ......these friends, I have to be friends with - trust me - because they have WAY too much DIRT on me)...................I have Work Friends.............I have Facebook FRIENDS.............I have Friends that I like to watch HORROR movies with.............................I have Those Close Friends that I can call when I have problems..............and Friends that I like to go shopping with because we LIKE the same stuff......................I have Friends that I like to get together to drink cocktails, dance and hang out with..................AND...I have BLOGGER FRIENDS................I have Friends that always make me PEE MY PANTS, EVERY time I'm with them (you know who you are!)...............I have Friends that DON'T MIND me walkin' around in my "Coyote Ugly Butt-less Chaps"...............I have Extremely New Friends (that I just introduced myself to .....ahhh.......like ....last night........in the Mexican Restaurant - who did body shots with me..........)...........and I have FRIENDS that will take care of me when I drink TOO much PATRON and will hold my hair back as puke in the toilet!

SO........as you can see I have lots of different friends!  And it doesn't matter WHO YOU ARE or what kind of friend you are to me................. You're all Special!  And I'd like to Thank you all for being my Friends!  You make my life so Wonderful!

BUT ..........ALWAYS REMEMBER:

................We may be friends and all, but rest assured - if our plane crashes in the Himalayas - and I get HUNGRY......................I'll EAT you!

"Reflexes of a Cat", "Super Human Powers" and making out with Dwayne!

I was lucky enough to be able to spend some 'quality time' with my daughter this last weekend..............and it's amazing what you learn from 'your children' these days.............so..........I thought I'd share some interesting facts that I WAS NOT aware of ............UNTIL NOW:

1.) Apparently, my daughter seems to think she's got what SHE CALLS...."Reflexes of a Cat!" (whatever that means.............)

2.) I learned that when you are a poor college students, when it comes to partying …. the main philosophy is to get drunk QUICK and CHEAP!  (..............say hello to shots of  'Cheap Vodka'.........)


3.)  Apparently, my daughter never knew that I spent time in JAIL!  (.........remember the night I was dressed as "I Dream of Jeanie" passed out in my car and I puked on the cops boots.............remember that story?)   Well, I guess I THOUGHT SHE KNEW! ............here I am talking about the story and here she is - like - "MOM? You spent time in JAIL?"    .....OOPS!

.............which leads us to..................

Number 4.) Looks like I wasn't as great as mother as I thought I was (after all these years)...............seeings how (according to her story) I used to leave her and her brother home with a babysitter who locked them in their rooms, let them watch the movie "IT" ...................and ....................one time when a babysitter called me home one night, because my daughter had fell and split her head open........well, apparently all that my daughter can remember now is - how mad I was because I had to come home early!  (........now .........I don't really think these things happened........isn't it obvious that my daughter is making these things up and trying to make me feel bad after all of these years?!) 

AND 5.) When it comes to 'Super Human Powers', my daughter would rather be able to 'FLY' - rather than have the ability to 'Teleport'.    Trust me - I TRIED to talk her into teleporting (..........MY 'Super Human Power' of choice, just so you know........) but she REFUSED to listen..... despite all my warnings and downfalls of flying.   The conversation kinda went like this:

"Brooke, have you ever thought that you might be flying high - up in the air...........and helllllllooooooooooo............it could start raining!   (...ever think of that?)  Or.....what about luggage?  What are you gonna do?  Carry it all while your flying?.................and have you ever thought you may get hit by an airplane?................. seriously......................................now look at it at MY point of view..........maybe I'm about to get savagely attacked by a bear .....well, all I have to do is use my teleportation powers.....and presto - I disappear and the bear would never know what hit em'  ................ OR.........maybe I have an urge to know what my boyfriend (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) is doing right now .........well all I have to do is twitch my nose and there I am....standing in the bathroom in front of the shower....listening to the water run and I can see his silhouette in the shower (behind the clouded glass) ....all by himself, lathering himself and I could..................................WELL?   You see where I'm going with this, Right?"

(Well, apparently, my daughter did not!)  She would rather fly thru a thunderstorm, soaking wet and CARRYING her luggage - than pull a 'Samantha on Bewitched' and be making out with Dwayne naked in a shower!)   (Maybe she was adopted!)

I Love Fridays!

I Love Fridays!

You should know by now (if you've been paying

attention to my posts)...that Fridays

are my favorite day of the week ...

.....but THIS Friday is especially Good!

Good Friday through Easter mark the most important 3 days for a Christian.

It is at this time that we remember the crucifixion,

the sacrificial death, and the burial of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,

and we celebrate His resurrection on Sunday.

Normally my post are meant to be funny....
But TODAY.......I'm wishing you peace....

.....and No, I don't go to Church every Sunday, but I 'DO' believe in God and I try to do

what's right by him........ Sometimes I get caught up

in my life and forget to pray

and forget to put God first..........But I 'DO'

Thank God EVERY DAY for the blessings that

he has given me!

I'm hoping you all have a wonderful weekend of

remembering what Easter is all about!

Photo courtesy of the Internet

I have Maggots in my Mouth and NO - I didn't sleep with Tiger!

Random little things I need to get off my chest today……



WHAT - THE - FREAK - is up with my DREAMS lately? ................................here I am - just about ready to kiss 'Dwayne' ................you know?..........my boyfriend?............The Rock?............Dwayne Johnson?................just about to kiss Dwayne ........(........cause' you know how he's HOT for me and wants me in a BAD way)...........well......... we're about to have a major 'make-out' session (in my dream)......(which would probably involve 'French Kissing' and other GOOD stuff............)..............(Dwayne and me)...........and MAGGOTS and WORMS start falling out of my NOSE and MOUTH ..........helllooooooo................................. (well I'm certainly NOT going to kiss him NOW)........................ DAMMIT!……………(what a waste of a good dream).............…who dreams this kind of SH_T?............................ apparently, I have issues!

AND..........While other bloggers think it’s absolutely necessary to post EVERY day ............I am simply NOT one of them! ………I CAN’T do it! ……….. So don’t expect it! …………….…………just deal with it!

AND..........can someone please tell 'Lady Gaga' to put some D_MN clothes on.................

AND..............Is it just me?........................can someone explain to me HOW THE FREAK did 'Taylor Hicks' WIN the fifth season of American Idol? (.................so he can play the harmonica and clap his hands............)...........................What the Hell!?...........................



AND.........................I ABSOLUTELY HATE being on my PERIOD right now! …………….walking around all day with a ‘Canoe’ between my legs and/ or a ‘Popsicle’ up my “WHO-HA”…. SUCKS! (.........need I say more?......................)



AND......................................... I DIDN'T sleep with Tiger!

Photo of "THE ROCK" taken from the internet.

Dear Daughter.......Don't Break the Rules!

The following is an actual e-mail that I sent to my 20 year old daughter today in regards to her going to Florida for Spring Break next week with 4 of her friends from college.............and me being the 'anal' mother that I am......there are rules that need to be followed during their unsupervised Spring Break adventure ...............because of course I won't sleep at all until I know her and her 3 friends have made it back home safely. She was instructed to forward the e-mail to her 3 travel friends...................

Dear Daughter:

Rules that Daughter, 'Friend 1', 'Friend 2' and 'Friend 3' MUST follow while on Vacation in Florida: (PER MOM!)

READ THE RULES! SAY THEM OVER AND OVER IN YOUR HEADS! NEVER FORGET THE RULES!
MEMORIZE THE RULES! (STRAYING from these rules ARE NOT PERMITTED! ……….under NO circumstances!)
(If you ‘stray’ from the rules – you will be severely punished and grounded when you get home!.......All Of You!)

Yes……………………there will be a test! (You think I’m kidding, don’t you………….) HA!

Rule #1) Don’t talk to strangers.

Rule #2) If you must talk to strangers, (only in an emergency), NEVER trust them…………if they are Men – remember - all they want to do is “Get you Naked” and have their way with you, SO BEWARE!

Rule #3) You all must watch “TAKEN” (the action/adventure movie starring Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace) before leaving on your Florida adventure! And you must watch it at least twice! (Former government operative Bryan Mills begins the longest 96-hours of his life--and the hunt for the fearsome organization that has taken his daughter Kim. Mills had only recently given up his government career as what he calls a "preventer" to be near Kim, who lives with Bryan's ex-wife Lenore and her new husband. To make ends meet, Bryan joins some former colleagues for special security details (like guarding a pop diva), but most of his time and energy are spent re-connecting with Kim. Bryan's familial goal is nearly derailed when Kim requests his permission to spend time in Paris with a friend. All too aware of the dangers that could lie ahead for Kim in a foreign land, Bryan says no, but Kim's disappointment leads him to very reluctantly relent. Bryan's worst fears are realized when Kim and her friend Amanda are suddenly abducted--in broad daylight--from the Paris apartment at which they've just arrived. Moments before Kim is dragged away by the as yet unseen and unknown assailants, she manages to phone Bryan, who begins to expertly piece together clues that will take him to the darkness of Paris's underworld, and to the City of Light's plushest mansions. He will face nightmares worse than anything he experienced in black ops--and let nothing and no one stop him from saving his daughter.)
You all must LEARN from this movie – oh young ones…………

Rule #4) If you choose to forget the RULES and you decide to trust some HOT guy that says he is your friend – Remember – HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!...................He is a Maniacal KILLER! ………………..he means only to Beat you – Rape you and Torture you! It will not be fun and you will have wished you would have followed the rules! He will cut your body in tiny pieces and feed the sharks with you! ...........Remember this! (You may never be found!)

Rule #5) I am only a phone call away……. Moms Home Phone #: 616-XXX-XXXX
Moms Cell #: 616-XXX-XXXX..............................Call me anytime for any reason! You are to call me simply to let me know that you haven’t been abducted by a maniacal killer who has murdered you with his machete or chainsaw! (If 12 Hours pass and I DO NOT hear from you – KNOW that I will PANIC! (My daughter will vouch for this! …….trust me!) Rest assured that I will then call your immediate families…………. and then call the local authorities as to your whereabouts! (Trust me – I will!) They will start a state wide search as to where you are……..

Rule #6) Do not trust ANYONE! Remember Natalie Holloway? SHE TRUSTED! And the outcome was TERRIBLE and TRAGIC! (A MOTHERS WORSE NIGHTMARE!) (Natalee Ann Holloway (born October 21, 1986) disappeared on May 30, 2005, during a high school graduation trip to Aruba. Holloway was scheduled to fly home later on May 30, but failed to appear for her flight. She was last seen by her classmates outside a nightclub, in a car with locals. Investigators conducted extensive searches, but these searches were unsuccessful……..Natalee has never been found.) ……….. BEWARE! (Again – refer to Rule #2 and Rule #4!)

Rule #7) Always be on the ‘Buddy System!’ ………….never isolate yourself from your “Vacation Friend Pack!” …………..remember “Safety in Numbers!” …………..if one of your fellow vacation friends decide to go out on their own ………………….Red Alert!!!!!!! Absolutely under ANY circumstances – DO NOT let this happen! Never leave a ‘Fellow Vacation Buddy’ home alone – or at a party – or at the bar……………….Jogging alone on the beach – NO! ................One of you walking to the gas station alone – NO!.........................Remember – Red Alert! Never let your ‘Vacation Buddy’ wander by herself! ……………..No good can come of this! (And I would expect your “Fellow Vacation Friends’ to do the same for you!) You are a TEAM – and your sole purpose (other than getting a kick-ass Tan) is to keep each other SAFE!

Rule #8) If you find yourself at a party or at a bar or at a gathering with people other than yourselves (which -by the way - is not advised) ………..NEVER…………I repeat NEVER…………..put down your drink! Always keep an eye on your drink, your glass, your can of soda (surely you won’t be drinking.) Remember - MEN will slip something into your drink (while you are not looking) and it could lead to BAD THINGS! Have you ever heard of the ‘Date Rape’ drug? Again – refer to Rule #2, Rule #4 and Rule #6!

All kidding aside, ladies – Please Be Safe! Don’t do anything STUPID! Your parents, family and friends love you back home and will worry about you in your travels! Have fun!

I love you,
MOM!

P.S. This e-mail will be featured on my Blog tonight!

Photos courtesy of the internet

A Letter From Jenny.................

Sometimes I get so caught up in the "blogging buzz" .............telling stories about the funny things in my life and trying to keep you all laughing, that I forget what's important in my life.

My good friend, Judi, has always told me that I 'tell too much' and that some things are better off being 'kept secret'! If you read my blog regularly, you know that I make my life an open book. I rarely get embarrassed. I don't lie. I tell it like it is............ I don't hold back! (for example, I'm sure you all know - by now - that I have little black hairs growing on my nipples and how I have an incontinence problem!) Big deal....who really cares.........we've all got our problems, right?

I'm 43 years old, and lets face it..........my 'hottness' days are over! I'll never be the 'young, hot-130 pound-babe' again and I'm OK with that! (Not that I couldn't be, but I'd rather eat Cheeseburgers, remember?)

I'd rather make fun of myself, even if it makes myself look like a fool........(I'd rather be known as the 'fun one', the one people invite to their parties, the one that makes you laugh and have fun.)

One of the nicest compliments that I ever recieved was from my good friends, Heather and Jason. We were playing a game and one of the questions was: "What is the most attractive trait about your friend, Jenny?" Taking the risk that I wouldn't be offended with their answers, they both replied, 'her personality'! (...........and I was happy with that answer....I considered it one of the best compliments I've ever gotten!)

I like to drink alcohol, (but I'm not an alcoholic!) I swear accasionally, (....but not terribly.) And I don't think this makes me a bad person! Sometimes I get carried away with my drinking stories, sometimes I may get a little too personal, or tell a little too much........and sometimes I swear, (simply because I think it makes for a better story).............but, I'm truly a good person.

I've become such a better person than who I was 10 years ago. I've made a million mistakes on my journey to 43, but I've also learned things, and I know the difference between right and wrong. I know that family is the most important thing in my life, along with God! I know that having good friends is a blessing. I know that staying positive and up-beat is the key to staying happy!

I am truly blessed. My life is wonderful. I love my husband and children more than they could ever possibly know. I believe in God. And I am truly thankful for my life!

I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent. author unknown

What I Know....

At 43, I don't have all of my life figured out, but I do know a few things......

1.) I've learned that life isn't easy, so I shouldn't expect it to be. That's Life!

2.) I know that although I have problems, there are a lot of people out there who have it a lot worse than I do, so I shouldn't complain.

3.) I've come to terms with the fact that when I now walk into a room, I will no longer be the prettiest, the skinniest, or the youngest woman............and I'm OK with that!

4.) I know that every day I have a choice; I can smile and be happy or I can choose to be negative and miserable. I've learned that life is what you make it...........so I choose to be happy!

5.) I've learned that the most important thing in my life is my family!

6.) I know that I'm not afraid to grow old.

7.) I know that it's taken me this long to become the person that I am today............and I think I'm pretty cool!

Photo courtesy of the internet

GOLF

OK, let us get this straight, just one more time, ladies...........



"I DO NOT GOLF, I really have no interest in LEARNING to Golf, but I will be more than happy to ride around in the Golf-Cart while drinking cocktails and watching YOU Golf!" Jenny Brown

Phote courtesy of Microsoft ClipArt