"How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack"....Have YOU Bought the Book yet?

Hi guys! Have you been to the ‘My Life As Jenny Store” yet? .....over on the right side bar of this blog……...you see it……..it has a green caption/header that reads “My Life As Jenny Store”………right over there on the right.......…featuring the ‘How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack’ book……..

…….well…….if you haven’t checked it out, you had better……(just some little friendly advice from a girl who has a unhealthy fixation on being attacked by these ugly red hat-ed warriors)  it won’t take long to check out the store (since there’s only one thing featured in the store....hellloooooo........for now, anyway.....) ….but it’s this one little book that’s gonna make a difference in your life, people…..so you better check it out ….. “How To Survive A Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They will)” by Chuck Sambuchino.  (This is a great book.....I've read it so many times that you won't find me being unprepared when the devil dwarfs decide to attack....no-sirree-bob...I'm actually becoming quite the expert in garden gnome defense.....just so you know...)

 

Chuck Sambuchino is currently my HERO! He’s a brilliant man who wrote this book about the upcoming invasion of the Garden Gnomes. As far as I KNOW, he’s the only one that has been brave enough to warn us all about the murderous dwarfs. Oh, and besides writing, Chuck loves music, plays guitar and piano in a rock cover band (how cool is that) and he loves chocolate chip cookies. And he’s HOT …………(….I’m just sayin’)……..


YOU GOTTA GET THIS BOOK, PEOPLE……..in it, Chuck, talks about the looming dangers that garden gnomes present to America’s suburbs and rural areas. "As many as 10 percent of unsolved cold cases probably involve garden gnomes," Sambuchino told AOL News. "It's a serious problem."   (..the book is only 106 pages long, so don't panic....even slow readers can manage this.....trust me......)

Key points featured in the book:
1.) Which areas of the country are more prone to garden gnome attacks, as well as keys to determining whether you're at risk.  (Are you at risk?)  (maybe you ought ta read the book.....you think?)

2.) Did you know that garden gnomes use a variety of weapons for their fiendish attacks, including slingshots, axes and spears, but their killing tool is the scythe?  (Important information, so try to keep up!)

3.) Mr. Sambuchino also claims that garden gnomes are most likely to attack during storms.  Do you know why?  (..........probably NOT cause' you haven't read the 'freakin' book.....)
"The rain hitting the roof masks the sound of drilling through the wall," he said. "They attack you in bed, which is why I recommend making paper-mache copies of yourself and putting them in the other bedrooms. That way, if they attack you, you have time to see it happening and escape."  (By God, he's a Genius, I tell you!)

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only survival guide that instructs you on how to prevent and ward off a home invasion and eradicate them from your property for good.  In the unfortunate event of an actual attack, it will prepare you for battle, outlining dozens of possible encounter scenarios and defense strategies. 

.....Don't think you have anything to worry about?  ............Don't think the 'garden gnomes' are anything that you really have to worry about? ..............Are you really willing to take that chance? 
Source: When Garden Gnomes Attack by David Moye/Aol News (Sept 22, 2010)
http://www.aolnews.com/discuss/2010/09/22/hold-for-buck-edited-when-garden-gnomes-attack#gcpDiscussPageUrlAnchor

Changes Are On the Horizon at "My Life As Jenny".....

"Are You Addicted?"

I found a new friend (I love new friends) while chit-chating on 'BlogFrog'.......her name is Alexes and she's over at 'One Cluttered Brain'....you'll have to go check her out at http://oneclutteredbrain.blogspot.com/.  She's really funny (not as funny as me, of course, but hey.....I'm just sayin'......)  Just kidding....she's REALLY one funny lady!  She's my newest blog friend....I figure we'll be 'BBF's' one day (she really doesn't know it yet, but I'm sure we will.)  HA!

.....anyway.....I was visiting her community (on blog frog) and she was asking a question: "What are your daily addictions?" ..............well, 'Holy Freak', SHE has a LOT of additions.........(and I told her so)..........and I shared mine, too!  And I told her I was gonna write a post about her 'addiction question'...............(and see.........I really did!)  .........SO....what am I addicited to, you ask?

"Let's see....1.) Energy Drinks.........specifically 'Red Bull' (sugar free) (even better with a touch of Vodka)


2.) I'm not only addicted to Facebook, but those D_MN Facebook games.....(Heaven help me if I don't 'harvest' a freakin' crop on time!)


3.) Blogging (.......well, duh.....................helllloooooo!)


4.) I also am addicted to 'clean underwear'....I change my undies about 3 times a day, as a matter of fact.........(It may have something to do with me peeing my pants all the time)............yeah, I have issues, people!


And quite recently I've become addicted to 5.) Ranch flavored sunflower seeds (..................in fact my tongue is raw from sucking all the salt off them, then trying to open the little suckers up to find the little treasure hiding inside!)


What are you addicted to?

A trip to the Restroom.....

This post is actually an e-mail that I recieved today from a good friend and I wanted to share it with you ....................actually I've read this story a few times.....and I laugh my butt off everytime I read it. This is such a true story and I'm sure EVERY woman can relate! I'd love to take credit for this hilarious story - but I can't! I'm not sure who to give credit to - but whoever wrote this funny story - she deserves an award! It's been around a while.......enjoy............

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom , no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.' To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream..........as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT ....... It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.' By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Photo courtesy of the internet ......Author of the hilarious story - Unknown