Red Lips on my Butt, Hilary Duff, and I Clogged the Toilet......

Highlights Of My Day:


1.) Since I’m getting a tattoo this summer……(“red lips on my _SS”, for your information)……….SOMEONE (who will remain nameless)…….…(ur…..’Unknown Mami’) ……. says I should get a tattoo of a 'garden gnome'…….heelllloooooo……(has she not been paying attention to my posts?)......(...or is she just trying to get me riled up?)............…now I've got the creeps (thanks, Mami)…….and the shivers…….and I’m sure to have nightmares tonight just thinking of it! “Garden Gnome tattoo……..I THINK NOT!”


2.) Today was ‘Hilary Duff Day’ on the ole’ YouTube playlist ……..My favorite songs are ‘Who’s That Girl’, ‘Fly’, ‘So So Done’, and ‘Dangerous To Know’            (She’s such a little ‘cutie pa-tootie’…….)

3.) OK........I’ve lost ONE pound......yes ONLY ONE miserable pound……..(…….seriously…..in three weeks………)   Unless I lose another 29 pounds by June 1st - NO $1000.00 FOR ME……….I’m so pathetic!    At this rate I'll be THIN by......uh.......20 years.........uh.......and by then, I could be dead!    (What are the chances of me losing another 29 pounds in 19 days?!)   It’s NOT looking good, girlfriends!   Unless I magically ‘give birth’ to a baby between then and now!


And 4.)  (I’m saving the best for last)   Today I clogged the toilet at work………………and I mean REALLY clogged it……….(I’m not kidding, girlfriends)……….I spent 20 whole minutes in the bathroom plunging and the ‘Freakin’ thing overflowed twice……(I panicked, which apparently made it worse)……. there was POOP water all over……it was splashing all over me and getting all over the walls and floor. I should’ve known there was going to be a problem in the first place, because I was having a hard time poopin’ it out to begin with……………(I think it has to do with ‘Too Much Cheese” lately!) I e-mailed my boss (who happened to be out of the office - he gets his e-mails on his cell phone)……the message was as follows:

Bill (my boss):    Just so you know, I clogged the toilet here in the office……….I’ve been in there 20 minutes plunging and it’s overflowed twice. Apparently my poop was bigger than I thought it was. I don’t know what to do! Any ideas? (I think we’re gonna need a BIGGER PLUNGER!)   Jenny

That’s it for the day (so far)………..tell me about your day. Any poop problems?

'Brandy Norwood', my socks don't match and I think I Stink!

Today’s ‘Brandy’ Day on the ole’ YouTube channel……..(and yes, she’s got her own ‘Playlist’ on my YouTube page) …….. I didn’t realize how many songs Brandy has out there….. well……..I should of realized……….she’s been singing since way back when “Sittin’ up in my room” was a hit, right……….what a pretty girl she is………my favorite ‘Brandy Song’ right now is “Right Here” (one of her newer songs)…….Did you know that Kobe Bryant, (before he was a NBA star), took her to his high school prom in 1996? Did you know that she starred alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt in the 1998 movie ‘I Still Know What You Did Last Summer’? (Do you even care?)

And speaking of today...................I look like "Royal Dog Freak" today! I honestly did NOTHING with myself this morning..............you know how sometimes I come to work and I look pretty 'Fly' sportin' my 'sassy clothes', having showered, applied deoderant, brushed my teeth, curled my hair, tweezed my eyebrows, and put on my flawless face of makeup..............WELL TODAY'S NOT THAT DAY, girlfriends!

...............I slapped off the alarm this morning and dove behind my computer screen (because you know how I'm addicted to the internet, and all...........and how I wouldn't want to miss anything...........like some worldly event was going to happen on facebook ............or maybe 'FarmVille' was offering some sort of new animal for a limited time only..........or maybe the 'BlogFrog' came out with a new community or something.............)................(and I should've been getting ready for work, you know).............by the time I looked at the clock I was still in my pj's and had about 5 minutes left before I actually had to leave for work - without being late............................So ............as I tripped over 'Max' - just shy of falling down the stairs................ I changed my underware......................thru on a pair of jeans from the laundry basket................... thru a sweatshirt over my pajama top................. took a drink of 'Scope'...................sprayed my entire body with 'feminine deoderant spray' (which I thought was perfumed body spray)...................put my hair in a clip (which broke on the way to work)................... popped a vivarin...............grabbed a can of Red Bull............... jumped in the car and away we go!

Ok........so basically I'm at work .......I forgot my phone...............I'm in my pajamas............ I stink of 'B-O'.................. my breath reeks .......................my socks don't match................. I just realized I'm not wearing a bra...................the sweatshirt I grabbed has a bright red kool-aid stain on the front of it.....................and don't get me started on my 'Hair"! I just caught a look at myself in a mirror and I look like DEATH! Ohmyholyfreakness...................I hope I don't see anyone worth impressing today.....................it's a wonder my boss doesn't send me home..........I look like a 'Bag Lady!"

It's Janet Jackson Day on the ole' YouTube channel............

TGIF, girlfriends… (Fridays are my favorite day of the week – in case you didn’t know!)
..................helllooooo................3 O'clock Sparks time............remember? (Try to keep up................)

Today I’m working and singing along to Janet Jackson ………Yes, it's Janet Jackson day on the ole' YouTube channel............................she happens to be one of my FAVORITE entertainers of all time……(…and yes….of course - she has earned a special place on my ‘YouTube’ playlist)…………..….not only is she a BEAUTIFUL talented women………… I LOVE her voice and LOVE her songs ...............(some of my favorites include ‘IF’, ‘Clap Your Hands’, "Special' and ‘2Nite’)………………actually - a lot of her songs are pretty NAUGHTY .............(but we won't talk about that.....just don't listen to the words, and you'll be alright)................But aside from that “SuperBowl XXXVIII halftime show debacle” with her wardrobe ‘tit’ malfunction………she pretty much rocks! ……………… I blame the whole thing on Justin, of course…………he’s a WAD!.............HE probably led her astray with his ‘Wicked Ways’… (I have a cousin ................who will remain nameless ........... MARY...................) that does that to me all the time……..(lead me astray with her wicked ways, that is!)

Janet’s come a long way since ‘Good Times’ and she’s the SAME AGE as me (actually 14 days younger than me) .................hey (I just thought of something).............maybe I should call her up and see if she wants to be friends with me and Joy (you know - Joy Stark - from Til Death?)........................……….yeah, I know - you're wondering why the H_LL Janet would want to be friends and hang out with me and my make believe best friend, Joy................hellllooooooooo……….....we're both the same age.................we're both hot and awesome looking........................well.............maybe Janet looks a LITTLE better than me right now.................OK....A LOT ‘Younger and Hotter’ than me right now…………(thanks for pointing that out)……...........well, hellllooooo……...................I'm not like - a kazillionaire....OK?.....................if I had all that money, I’d look phenomenal, too!

I’m sitting here thinking that I only have 2 ½ more months to lose 30 pounds…...............(I'm pretty muched DOOMED - You think?……I originally lost 4 pounds………..yeah……………….BUT THEN I gained 8 pounds) so I actually weigh MORE NOW than I did since beginning this race to $1000.00, by the way!) I’m pathetic! (HairyMan bet me $1000.00 that I couldn't lose 30 pounds by June 1st - if you haven't been paying attention.)

So far................NOT so good (I need to think of a way to keep myself away from those damn CHEESEBURGERS!

Late For Work, Nick Lachey and Killer Clowns!

My alarm didn’t go off this morning (due to ‘my bad’) so I got ready for work in 5 minutes and was out the door…………….yeah, I pretty much look like a HAG today……..no makeup (although, I do have ‘base’ on, to cover up my ‘witch wart’)……..and I did brush my teeth…………..but that’s about it, girls! (……….and I’m not feeling too FRESH this morning – without my morning shower)................if you know what I mean! Oh, and my hair is alot to be desired right now..................(NOTE TO SELF: Make hair appointment - my roots are showing and I look like 'trailer trash!')

Another Monday in my neighborhood and off to work..........................today’s a ‘Nick Lachey Day' on YouTube………….(in my opinion, he’s a whole lot better off without Ms. Simpson, but that’s just my opinion, folks)……………… some of my favorite ‘Nick songs’ are “All In My Head”, “Did I Ever Tell You”, and “On You Own”.…………….I love most of his new stuff! And, yes, he’s even made it to a spot on my YouTube playlist……………………..so, now………..when I’m in a kinda – mellow type of mood, Nick’s just a ‘CLICK’ away!



I devoured 2 Big Macs on my lunch today........................no - I couldn't have just one Big Mac................I had to eat two (simply because I had a coupon)...............................(and because I'm a loser and have no willpower when it comes to losing weight!)

Oh, and I’ve decided I don’t like ‘clowns’ anymore……………you know how I think ‘GNOMES’ are evil?................well, you can now add CLOWNS to that list of things that I ‘believe are evil!’

Seriously, I’ve never been a huge fan of clowns..................... but I’ve decided today they seriously freak me out - right up there with garden gnomes! ...............................like the clown from the horror movie, "IT"......................what kind of frickin' clown is that..........................a maniacal killer clown that's gonna hunt you down with a chainsaw and make mincemeat out of you...........that's the kind of clown I'm talking about..................................well, I don't want any part of that in my world anymore! NOTE TO SELF: Go home and search house for clowns and dispose of them ..............ooohhhhhh, and.............I'm not gonna simply just throw them away in the garbage, and wait for the garbage man to come................................I'm gonna need to cut their heads off and their feet and their hands, legs and arms...........just to make sure they don't come back to life and hunt me down...............I keep envisioning them crawling out of the dumpster and limping back up my driveway to my house and peering in at me thru my windows while I'm sleeping (oh, and of course he'll be holding some type of weapon..................maybe an axe..................or a hammer............... or something that can do me bodily harm ............... scar me, and leave me for dead)..........................................(I seriously don't think I have any clowns lying around my home, but I need to be sure!) ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE!
Photo courtesy of the internet - "Stephen King's - IT"

Marie Osmond, 'Zombieland' and how I almost killed my dog....

I rolled over in bed this morning and almost crushed ‘Maximus’ (my 6 pound yorkie) this morning………………I almost slid through an intersection this morning on my way to work (due to the slippery roads)…………. I went to the tanner this morning (since it’s February and I’m beginning to look pale and pasty)………………I fell on the frickin’ ice on the sidewalk outside my office (then got up of course and pretended nothing happened) ………………….I was weak and had 2 pieces of chocolate valentines candy today (damn you – fellow co-workers for bringing it in to work)…………I listened to Marie Osmond songs/duets all day on YouTube …………..(my new Marie Osmond favorite song is ‘Meet Me In Montana’ a duet with Dan Seals, by the way) ……….NO, MARIE, you don’t have enough likable songs to warrant your own ‘spot’ on my ‘YouTube playlist’ ……………………….I’ve seriously heard ENOUGH renditions of ‘Paper Roses’ to last me a lifetime …………. Someone…………SERIOUSLY…….. give me a gun……………………….. (Marie, do you realize you haven’t had a HIT since feathered hair was popular?) ............... I know you lost all that weight and you learned how to dance, but COME ON NOW!……………….……I ate most of the skin off one of my thumbs today and it’s throbbing with pain and I swear I can see nerve (will I ever learn? - Answer: Probably Not) ……………I'm on my third day of No Alcohol and No Energy drinks (.....yes - I'm in my own little private HELL and I think I want to die!) …………today NO birds have attacked me (apparently, their reign of terror has ended) I walked pass the bird feeders and bushes and told them I had my tennis racket and I was prepared to use it……………(yep – now the little pussy’s are scared of me!)……………..Chinese take out for dinner...................and I let HairyMan talk me into watching "ZombieLand" (possibly the stupidest movie I've ever seen in my life)............are you kidding me, Rob?

Yes, I'm A Fan................

OK, it's official.........and I'm not embarrassed to admit it!

............................get ready for this 'blast from the past'..................................

I'm a Lionel Richie Fan! (There, I said it!)

He's talented.............he's not-TOO bad looking (I mean, he's not butt-ugly or anything..........OK, I'll admit he looks a lot better NOW - then he did back then! Looks aren't everything, OK?)................................... The man can sing!.................... he's a good dresser ...............he's got a cute daughter (who needs to eat a sandwich or two)................ he can dance on ceilings.............(who the hell ELSE can do that?)........................And he was a "Commodore" - for Gods Sakes! (Do I really need I say any more???)................. (All Hail to 'Brick House' and 'Slippery When Wet' .........by the way!)

I used to 'make out' with my boyfriend - to his songs all the time....uh...........back in the 80's! All I had to do was get out my 'Lionel Ritchie Cassette Tape' and he'd know for sure - that I was "IN THE MOOD!"

..................................Today was Lionel Ritchie day at work today, by the way.............that means I listened to Lionel Ritchie all day long on the internet, while working. (I'm sure I irritate the Hell out of my co-workers!.........Oh well - sucks to be them, doesn't it!?) (Aren't you glad you don't work with me?) Lionel's even got is own play list NOW - on my "YouTube Play-List" (......no worries - Chris Daughtry, you're still there too!.............and you're farther up the list, since C comes before L!) So now I'll be able to enjoy Lionel, whenever I want! (I love you - YouTube!)

Photo of Lionel Ritchie - courtesy of the internet